


Number One Fan

by dontbecooler



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Birthday Party, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Child Death, Cute Kids, Death, M/M, Protective Steve, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 12:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2622635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecooler/pseuds/dontbecooler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky isn't anyone's favorite, of that he's sure.<br/>He's the bad guy. But... James Anders is sure that Bucky is a good guy. <br/>Steve wants Bucky to see exactly that, so tells James they'll both come to his party.<br/>It'll be the best day of his life... Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What? An update on a Sunday?! Woah, don't go too crazy Sarah.... heh.  
> This baby just needs to be edited, it's all written, so it's not just this bit. Stay tuned..   
> Desiree was Bucky, you can find her at almostilluminati.tumblr.com  
> I was Steve yo
> 
> ENJOY XX

 

You wouldn't believe what happened to me today. SR

 

 

 

**What? JB**

 

 

 

Kid comes up to me and tells me that 'The Winter Soldier is his favorite Avenger!' And then he made me sign his Bucky bear, and asked me if you could sign it for him to. What do you say? SR

 

 

 

**I guess I could... I dunno why I would be anyone's favorite anything though. JB**

 

 

 

Don't be such a downer Buck. He told me you were his favorite because you're so brave, and even though it seemed like HYDRA had you, you still broke free. I quote, 'Mr. Barnes showed me that even though sometimes it looks like you can't change your life, you can.' It was really cute, and it made my day. SR

 

 

 

**That very... insightful, for a kid. Though I guess since he's just a kid he doesn't really understand the things I did before I broke free. I won't be his favorite once he's old enough to understand. JB**

 

 

 

You're my favorite Avenger and I'm old enough to understand. SR

 

 

**You're biased. JB**

 

 

 

Your Clint's favorite too, don't tell him I told you. SR

 

 

 

**Yeah, I'm sure. Steve, I don't care if people like me. I just don't understand why they do. JB**

 

 

 

Because you're a good guy who was forced to do bad things. You're strong, witty, and you have good moral grounds when they're your own morals. SR

 

 

**I'm still messed up though. If anything, you should be everyone's favorite. You're the best guy out there. JB**

 

                                                                                                                                                                  

 

I've killed people too. And I can be patronizingly patriotic at times. SR

 

 

 

**You only kill bad people. JB**

 

 

 

Depends which side you're on. SR

 

 

 

**Oh shut up. Everyone knows you're the good guy. JB**

 

 

 

From America's point of view. Have you not been watching the news? Russia's having protests because they want their soldier back. You, by the way. That's you they want back. They're asking the Russian government to not let the Americans steal you. That's gotta count for something right? SR

 

 

 

**Watching the news stresses me out. Makes me feel sick. JB**

 

**No one likes Russia anyway though. They're a bunch of assholes. JB**

 

 

 

I like Russia. They've got cool hats. And pretty scenery. And good alcohol. Doesn't get me drunk though... SR

 

That's beside the point. SR

 

How can you expect people to respect you if you don't respect yourself huh? SR

 

 

 

**They also kill people on the street for being gay and they terrorize their citizens on a daily basis. JB**

 

**And I don't need respect. JB**

 

 

 

Every body progresses at different paces. We still get hate crimes against gays, so... SR

 

And of course you need respect. SR

 

Unless you actually want to be feared. SR

 

 

 

**At least most places around here it's safe. JB**

 

**I'll be feared either way. Doesn't matter. JB**

 

 

 

That boy doesn't fear you. He asked if you could come to his birthday party. SR

 

 

 

**That boy doesn't know any better. JB**

 

 

 

He seemed pretty well informed to me. SR

 

 

 

**He's a kid, how well informed can he be? JB**

 

 

 

He gave me a speech about how you over came your demons to spark a revolution for the underdogs. Not even Stark could make that crap up. SR

 

 

 

**Kids say a lot of things. I doubt he even actually knows what a revolution is. JB**

 

**It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not looking to be liked or disliked by people. I'm fine with just being in the background. JB**

 

 

 

Stop being so pessimistic. He knew what he was talking about. He was about eight, not five. For god’s sakes James, just... Just... I don't know. SR

 

 

 

**It's how I am now. Get used to it. JB**

 

 

 

It seems like you're doing this just to piss me off. SR

 

 

 

**Well if it pisses you off then sorry, but I ain't changing anytime soon. JB**

 

 

 

Would you be able to put on a brave face for a whole day? Just smile and act happy for a few hours? SR

 

 

 

**Why? Pretending to be happy isn't going to do anything but make my face hurt. JB**

 

 

 

What if it was for a kids ninth birthday? SR

 

 

 

**I ain't going to a kid’s party. JB**

 

 

 

Oh please? It's just for a few hours. All you'd have to do is wish him a happy birthday and let him get a photo with you at least. SR

 

 

 

**Can't I just sign the bear? Or like, do anything else but that. JB**

 

 

 

Please? SR

 

 

 

**I really don't want to. JB**

 

**I'll just send him a birthday card. JB**

 

 

 

Don't be such a bitter old man. Why don't you want to? There'll be cake... SR

 

 

 

**Because kids freak me out. JB**

 

**Also, I don't even like cake that much. JB**

 

 

 

Kids freak you out? SR

 

 

 

**Yes. JB**

 

 

 

Why? SR

 

 

 

**Because they have no fear! They climb on things and run onto roads and try to fight people twice their size. They're so small and they could get hurt, but it's like they just don't care. JB**

 

**And the things they do fear are totally irrational. Like vegetables. JB**

 

 

 

Your fear of children is entirely irrational. SR

 

 

**I'm not afraid of them. They just freak me out. JB**

 

 

 

That is still irrational. You are scared of an eight year old who idolizes you... Is that what you're telling me? SR

 

Or freaked out by rather... SR

 

 

 

**Yes. JB**

 

**Also the idea of like, holding or hugging a child, that also freaks me out. I don't like that. JB**

 

 

 

What if they hug you instead of the other way around? SR

 

 

 

**Still freaky. JB**

 

**It's like they don't understand that I could hurt them. JB**

 

**Not that I'd ever mean to, but I could. JB**

 

 

 

If you think with that mentality, you could apply that to anything. It's like I don't understand that the apple I'm eating could choke me, whoops better not just in case. Oh, I'm gonna eventually die anyway, whoops better not. I could be allergic to peanuts, bye bye peanuts. SR

 

 

 

**That's a good philosophy to live by. If you don't do anything, nothing can hurt you. JB**

 

 

 

And you can be bored forever. And you'd die anyway. SR

 

 

 

**Yeah, but at least I won't die choking on an apple. JB**

 

 

 

And that boy will have the most disappointing party ever. I did tell him you'd want to come, and you'd most likely be there. SR

 

Guess not, and he'll just be waiting the whole time... For you to turn up... And you won't. SR

 

 

 

**Why would you do that? JB**

 

**You're an asshole. JB**

 

 

 

You shoulda seen the way he smiled though! I thought you'd want to, so I told him. I didn't know you'd be so pessimistic and irrational. SR

 

 

**Well maybe you should have asked me before doing something like that. JB**

 

 

 

So you're still not gonna go... SR

 

 

**What do you want me to do? Force a smile onto my face and stand around a bunch of kids for a few hours? JB**

 

 

 

Pretty much. Or you could actually smile and chat and talk with the kids for a few hours. SR

 

They have some pretty wicked party games nowadays. SR

 

 

**That doesn't sound like a good time at all. It sounds stressful. JB**

 

 

 

I'll come with you. Be your back up. SR

 

 

**I'm going to be weird and rigid and uninviting. I don't think any kid wants that at their birthday party. JB**

 

 

 

We won't know unless we try. And if you do freak we can get you a photo and we'll bring the bear and the card and I'll pretend there's an emergency and we'll bail. SR

 

He'll get his present and you can get the experience. SR

 

 

**When will I ever need experience with children? JB**

 

 

 

For a mission? I don't know, it'll be good for your soul. SR

 

 

**I don't think souls exist. And I don't think I'll ever have to deal with a kid while I'm on a mission. JB**

 

 

 

Kidnapping? Hostages? You never know. Please? SR

 

 

**I'm not going for more then an hour and you're probably not going to like they way I interact with children. JB**

 

 

 

That's a yes. That's a yes right? SR

 

 

**I guess... JB**

 

 

 

Yes! Thank you so much. When will you be ready? SR

 

 

**Now I guess. Unless I'm supposed to put on nice clothes or something. JB**

 

 

 

Yes you are. Tidy jeans and shirt please. SR

 

 

 

**Fine. JB**

 

**Give me five minutes. JB**

 

 

 

I'll give you six. Because you're awesome. I'll be there soon! SR

 

 

**I guess I'll see you then... JB**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look there's more to this one!! I hope it flows alright, I quite enjoyed editing it. Sorry if it the end of chapters are a little weird, I wasn't entirely sure where to cut up the big chunks of stuff :/
> 
> Hope you like it xx
> 
> ENJOY XX

Steve was running around his apartment slightly like a headless chicken. He wasn't expecting Bucky to say yes, so he had to get changed and get everything in six minutes. He threw the bear, the card and second helmet on his bike quickly, putting his own helmet on and revving before going to the tower. He quickly went up the elevator, unable to restrain the grin, and he walked proudly onto Bucky's floor. "Buck? You ready?" He asked, going to the bench to search for a marker to sign the bear. He was jigging his leg as he waited. The party started in forty five minutes, but if he wanted the boy- James, he was pretty sure- they'd need to get there before him.

 

Bucky walked out of his room, tugging down the sleeve of his shirt over his metal arm and he shuffled of over to Steve. "Yeah, I guess I'm ready." He sighed and went to get his shoes on, "I really hope this kid isn't expecting much. If he is I'm pretty sure he's gonna be let down." Bucky mumbled as he tugged a glove on over his mechanical fingers. Once he was all together he turned towards the blond, "Let's get this over with."

 

Steve blinked, throwing the bear at Bucky's face followed closely by the pen. "I can't believe you're hiding your arm," he grumbled, hoisting himself up into the desk as he found something to write in the card. Just the usual thing, except it was actually going to be signed by his favorite Avenger. "Sign the bear Mr. Moody, then we can go." Steve was sure Bucky would do fine. It had been longer than a year since Steve had found the other, and it had taken less than six months for Fury to offer a spot in the Avengers to him. He'd do fine, and Steve wasn't so sure what he was so worried about. Steve finished the card, smiling and tucking it into his breast pocket inside his jacket, watching Bucky carefully.

 

"I can't believe you guilted me into doing something I don't want to do,” came the retort, then Bucky signed the bear and handed it back to Steve. "I just don't think that this kid is even gonna remember this when he's older and even if he does, I'm sure he's just gonna shrug it off like any other memory from his childhood." Bucky grumbled as he walked to the elevator, getting inside as he waited for Steve. "Can we at least get food after we're done?"

 

Steve took the bear and smiled. "Of course we can, but I’m sure there’s gonna be stuff there." He followed Bucky into the elevator, and nudged Bucky with his elbow. "You'll be fine okay? It's just for an hour, and you're going to make this kid’s life." He tapped his foot, trying to be as positive as possible. "Come on; don't act like it’s the end of the world. It's just a kid’s party." He led Bucky out of the elevator to the font of the Tower where his bike was sitting and he handed the second helmet to the brunet.

 

"I don't like eating food from strangers." Bucky huffed and took the helmet from Steve, holding it in his lap when he got onto the bike; he never understood why Steve insisted upon them. It wasn't like he would get hurt even if he did, for some reason, fall off. "Well if this is the highlighting moment of this child's life, then I feel sorry for him. There are much better things in life then meeting someone you don't actually know anything about." Bucky sighed and tilted his head back, looking up. "Do I need to smile? I look weird when I smile. They'll probably think I'm plotting a murder."

 

Steve started the bike and didn't plan on moving until Bucky had the helmet on. They were role models now, and they had to set an example. He pulled his own on, pulling Bucky up tight behind him and talking loudly over the engine. "I'll test the food first, I would have freaked out if I had personally met Howard Stark when I was little, and no, if you don't want to smile you don’t have to." He listed off, turning his head and watching Bucky from the corner of his eye, waiting for the other to do as he wanted.

 

Bucky stared at Steve for a minute before rolling his eyes and putting the helmet on his head with a groan. He refused to buckle it into place though. "Then you'll die and I'll be left alone with a bunch of crazy, cultist, children. Let's just eat some where that I can trust." He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Can we go now? I would like to get back home as soon as possible."

 

Steve smiled brightly even though it probably wouldn't be visible from inside the helmet. "Of course Bucky, I love your enthusiasm," he said extremely sarcastically, making sure the bear was secure before starting up. He knew the address by heart, and it didn't take very long to get there at all. Steve pulled up and helped Bucky off, getting the two presents and tying their helmets to the seats. He smiled at Bucky, catching his arm and dragging him towards the nice looking home where the party would be held.

 

Bucky knew it was irrational to think that Steve would take him somewhere that he didn't think would be completely safe, but he couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive as he was dragged towards the front door. He immediately located every possible escape route in his head and the more he thought about how he could get out, the more he realized how ridiculous he was being. It was just for an hour. An hour with bunch of kids. It couldn't possibly be that bad.

 

The woman who opened the door looked at first surprised but then elated. Her eyes were immediately fixed on Steve, and the lady looked ecstatic.

"I thought he was only mucking around, but he was being serious!" She said, tidy clothes clashing only slightly with the brightness of her interior decorations. Steve pulled Bucky inside, looking around and smiling.

 

"You have a lovely home Ms. Anders," Steve recalled her name quickly, pulling Bucky through the house to where the mother led them. It was out back, to where the pool and a whole lot of food had been set up. Steve turned to Bucky, excited and hoping he was excited too, but the mother called his attention back. "Please, call me Bethany," she laughed, slightly too loud, and Steve could see why her husband had decided to move to a different place. He was thankful that the boy had been so chatty, and knew so much about the household; it made everything a lot easier for him. "Please, you two stand in the middle of the courtyard.”

 

Steve tugged Bucky along with him, and turned to face the camera Bethany had produced out of seemingly thin air. Her bleached hair looked terrible in this light, and he nudged Bucky with his arm. "The kid is so much better than her," he assured the other, smiling for the camera.

 

Bucky was already starting to feel a bit anxious in the presence of this woman. Not that she seemed bad or anything, just a little to overbearing for Bucky's tastes. Bucky kept himself close to Steve, looking around the house wearily as he was led through it. When Steve told him that the kid was better, he just shrugged slightly and looked up at the camera, keeping a neutral expression. He looked around for a second, his eyes shifting from place to place. After a few seconds Bucky took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he tried to calm his nerves, telling himself it wasn’t so bad and it would be over before he knew it.

 

Almost as if the shutter click was a queue, a mixture of seven boys and girls ran out the back door, hollering like fools and acting all excited at the food they could. Steve didn't see James until the last kid walked out, more reserved than the rest, which was slightly unusual because he'd been so animated when he ran into a Steve on the street. It took a few moments for the kids to realize they _did_ have guests, but immediately James noticed.

 

Steve grinned as the kid’s entire face lit up, and he raced past his friends to do a very smart little salute to both of them, and it looked like he wasn't trying to stare right at Bucky. "Captain, Seargent," he greeted, but he couldn't stop the grin from showing, just as the other kids came up to stare at the pair of them. James at that moment looked annoyed that everyone else was even here, as Steve handed the card and bear to Bucky, bending down slightly.

 

"Bucky, this is James, James, this is Bucky." He greeted pleasantly, and James was almost vibrating on the spot.

 

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Barnes," he said, face bright red. Bethany had been joined by her ex husband, and they were working on getting all the other eight year olds to sit down. It was working, slowly, and Steve watched Bucky worriedly, hoping he wasn't going to freak out.

 

Bucky was sure that if Steve wasn't there to keep him in his spot, he would've fled the moment the children came running into the room. When the kid, James, Steve had called him, raced to stand in front of them he looked over Steve, then back to the kid. After Steve introduced them he wasn't sure what to do. Did he greet him like he would an adult? Was he supposed to do it differently? He should have asked Steve beforehand. He took the gifts Steve haned to him tentatively, swallowing.

"It's...it's nice to meet you as well." Bucky's voice sounded a bit strained, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. Although this still was a stressful situation, he was pretty confident he could make it for an hour. Bucky looked up at Steve, not sure what he should do next.

 

Steve smiled, and James was looking at Bucky like he hung the stars in the sky just for him. It was nice to actually see that. Most of the other kids were watching too, less interested in the Avengers and more wanting to get back to the food. Steve nudged Bucky's elbows, where he was holding the presents. He nodded not-so-subtly to James, who looked as if he were about to explode. Steve waited, hoping Bucky would catch the drift.

 

Bucky looked at Steve when he nudged him, furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion. Was he supposed to do something? It took him a few seconds but he finally got with the program, shuffling a bit as he handed the presents to James. When he handed them over he was careful not to make any physical contact and he was grateful he decided to cover his metal arm. It always made him feel a bit more in control. After a second looked back to Steve the down at the boy in front of him, "Happy...birthday..." Bucky said the sentence slowly, then immediately looked to Steve for approval.

 

Steve didn't get to even smile in reply before the kid was flinging his arms around the man’s shoulder, squeezing tightly and looking like he'd just won the lottery. His bear and card were clutched tightly in his hand, and he dropped back down quickly, blushing.

 

"I mean..." James blushed. "I'm sorry. You don't really know what you're doing, seeing as you haven't had interactions like this before." James spoke at a level that surprised Steve, like he was much more mature than his peers. "Thank you very much Mr. Barnes, I appreciate it. And you don't need to keep looking to Captain Rogers." The boy took in a breath. "To be completely honest, you could fall flat on your face right now and break my leg and my day would still be the best one ever." Steve noticed a few of the kids sitting roll their eyes, but he didn't point it out, staying silent as he waited for Bucky to make his own moves. Steve was only here as support after all.

 

Bucky completely froze when James hugged him. This was something he'd been hoping to avoid. Although James ended the hug almost as quickly as he started it, Bucky was still a bit frazzled by the interaction. Bucky could hear the mechanical plates in his arm shift around as he clenched his fist and slowly released it a few times. Trying to gather his thoughts. He was not going to freak out. He was not going to freak this kid out and probably break something. For some reason, the fact that this kid liked him so much just made things worse. It made him not want to mess up, which only wound him up further. Bucky didn't say anything though, just took a small step back so he was partially behind Steve. His eyes moving around the room like he was about to make a break for it. God, all these kids probably thought he was unusual. "Can we go yet?" Bucky mumbled to Steve, hoping he was quiet enough that James wouldn't hear him. He really didn't want to let this kid down, but he was really afraid of messing something up.

 

James turned at that moment, because his mother was trying to get the kids to go eat. James hesitated, but because the Soldier was talking to the Captain he decided to run to the food table with the rest of them. Steve turned Bucky to face him, and looked him in the eye. "I don't know why you're freaking out Buck, we've only been here five minutes. That kid-" he nodded towards the table, "-is so happy, and I doubt you're going to do anything more but make it better for him okay?" he said, clutching his shoulders. "I can distract the other kid’s right, but this is James' dream come true. You can do this, because I trust you and I know you won't hurt him." Steve smiled, nodding his head slowly, trying to get Bucky to agree with him.

 

"I'm freaking out because I've never had anyone look at me the way that kid looked at me and he doesn't understand that I've killed kids like him. He doesn't know and I don't want him to." Bucky glanced over to James then back at Steve, "I don't know how to deal with kids and I especially don't know how to deal with kids that look at me like he does. I'm not some role model. I'm a basket case most of the time and that poor kid doesn't even know who he's really looking up to and I want to tell him but I also don't want him to hate me and I think it would just be better if I left." Bucky finished off his sentence with a huffed breath, cheeks slight pink as he wound himself up.

 

Steve pulled Bucky closer again, shaking his head. "Listen to me, right now okay? You don't have to tell him, but I think... You could maybe hint at it if you actually talked to him instead of freaking out. I'll keep the other kids busy; you just sit him down and talk to him. As a birthday thing. And if that still isn't working for you, I'll pretend to get a phone call. And we'll leave. How does that sound?" He asked, watching two kids at the table get into a fight over a cocktail sausage.

James stood on the end, looking happy but not too social, light dusty blond hair glinting in the light. He scuffed his feet and smiled at a raven haired girl that came up to him, and she pointed towards the two Avengers, and suddenly James was animated, he could hear the little explosion noises he was making from where he was in the yard. Some of the other kids heard the story and gathered around him, soon, the entire ensemble was listening and sometimes watching the both of them.

 

"Buck, just a little talk. You may like him.”

 

"It's not that I don't like him. I just..." Bucky looked down at the floor, fidgeting with his fingers, "I guess I just talk to him, but he'll probably be traumatized afterwards." Bucky mumbled and picked at the loose threads of his glove with his flesh hand, "There's not a whole lot I can say to him. I don't like talking to people all that much. Maybe someday I'll get over it and you'll finally have another part of the mad you used to know back, but right now this is who I am and who I am isn't a talker. So I'm pretty sure this conversation is going to be short lived."

 

Steve smiled and pat Bucky happily on the arm. "Yo kids!" He called, and immediately the story was suspended, the kids and James running over to them as fast as their little legs could carry them. James stopped right in front of Bucky, and Steve crouched down, looking at them. "Right, I was thinking that James and Sergeant Barnes could have a moment chatting, and us, well," Steve grinned, "I'm pretty sure I saw water balloons around, who's in?" He asked, to a chorus of mini little cheers, the kids suddenly quite keen for some activity.

Steve straightened, and made towards the house, followed by the gaggle of children.

 

James waited until they were gone, and then he looked to Bucky. "You don't like kids all that much do you?" He asked, trying to hide his forlorn expression. "I mean I get it, we are kinda annoying, and I've already hugged you when obviously that isn't your thing, but you don't have to force yourself to talk to me."

 

Bucky watched Steve go, feeling a bit more on edge since he couldn't see him, but he pushed it aside and looked down at James as he spoke. He felt a bit bad for him, it was clear he was a little disappointed. "Kids just aren't my thing. It's not even really kids though. Just people in general I guess." Bucky continued to mess with the loose strings on his glove, trying to stay as calm as he could. It wasn't so bad since it was just one kid, but it still made him feel anxious, "I suppose you're not so bad though. I've seen worse children." The space seemed awkward, and Bucky swallowed softly.

 

"I'm not surprised really. If I had been through what you have I guess I'd be introverted too." The boy offered a small smile, because Sarge technically just complimented him. "By worse children you mean the people my mom invited to my party? I don't even like them trust me, apart from Anna, the chick with dark hair." He blushed slightly at that, sitting down on the grass beneath him. "Take a seat Sergeant, trust me, you'd probably be able to beat me in a fight so you don't need to be worried." He smiled, patting the grass next to him almost nervously.

 

Bucky cautiously sat down beside James. "You don't need to call me Sergeant, you know." Bucky went from plucking at the string of his glove to plucking out pieces of grass, "Yeah. Introverted, anxious, and generally in a bad state of mind." Bucky huffed softly, "You've got a good vocabulary for a nine year old." He commented, glancing over at the kid, as he blushed at the mention of the girl. "You like Anna?" The brunet asked suddenly, trying to fill in the space where they didn’t speak. It would be easier.

 

James ducked his head as he laughed softly. "I like Anna yeah, she can kinda keep up with me almost. You know, it's because of me that my parents split. I kept talking down to my mom because she's an idiot, and dad kept taking my side. I still love her," he said quietly, looking over to his mother. "She's just stupid. And annoying." He huffed, and looked to Bucky again. "Alright, you wanna be called James too?" He smiled softly, blinking his big dark eyes. "I'm kidding. I'll just... Be quiet. I'm sure you don't wanna hear about my problems."

 

Bucky looked over to James again, "Do you tell her that you like her? Sometimes people need to be reassured." After a moment of listening to James, he looked over at him, tilting his head a bit too the side, "Steve told me that it's easier to pretend things are your fault sometimes, so you don't have to face the fact that the people you love aren't really as great as you thought they were. He said that sometimes people use bad things that happen as an excuse to do things they wanted to do anyway, but didn't want to do on their own." Bucky sighed softly, "Your parents probably wanted to get divorced anyway, but neither of them knew how to do it, so they just waited for a reason instead of being responsible and talking about it."

 

James blinked at that, dismissing the comment about talking to Anna. That was not going to happen in ten million years. "Huh," he said softly, and then he smiled. "Captain Rogers has a point. I can see that." He looked up to the older man, and beamed at him. "Thank you." He picked a daisy and placed it on Bucky's knee. "You know, if I'm telling you about who I like, you gotta tell me who you like. It's how the rules work." He smiled cheekily, picking another daisy and putting it on his own knee, so he had something in common with the other. It was like this was a dream. It was perfect, he was actually with him, giving him advice and being awkward and unsure and James had never been more happy.

 

Bucky looked down at the daisy on his knee, then glanced up at James, "You haven't really told me about her though. I only know her name. If you want information from me you've got to do better then that. I was a Soviet spy and assassin. I bargain for information, not give it away." Bucky never really 'bargained', but he wasn't about to tell a nine year old how he really got information, "Why do you like her?" Bucky picked a daisy of his own and carefully set it on James' knee, next to the other one. He moved slowly, like he was afraid of hurting James.

 

James grinned, because that was the kinda stuff he liked to hear. That what Bucky did wasn't a joke or a lie, but actually what he had done. He looked at the daisies, and shrugged. "She actually listens when I talk. The others, they get bored and ignore me. She actually listens and makes an effort. She's pretty too." James blushed, and shrugged, before adopting a more serious expression. "Is that enough for you Mr. Spy?" He asked, trying not to laugh.

 

"If she makes you happy, make sure she knows. It's something people like to know, I guess." Bucky shrugged and picked a few more daisies, "She seems nice. I could see why you like her." Bucky carefully started to weave the small flowers together, "Mr. Spy? Is that from a show? Those little guys that are black and white I think." Bucky was mostly trying to deflect the question, "I don't actually know if it's a show or not though." He glanced up at James for a second before weaving more flowers together.

 

James watched Bucky with scrutiny and then broke into a wicked grin. "It's Spy Vs. Spy. And you're also stalling," found his own daisies and started weaving them together, almost like starting a race with the man. "You're stalling because you don't want me to know or you're frightened of what you're going to say because you're used to not feeling emotion for people." His voice got softer. "But that's okay. Because things change. If you don't wanna say that's fine."

 

Bucky watched James weave his own flowers together for a second before adding more to his, "You're very insightful. Maybe you should be an Avenger. You could replace Stark. He's annoying." He smiled just a bit as he picked more flowers, "I don't actually like anyone. I do love someone, though." Bucky looked up and gave a soft sigh, "He's my best friend."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is a huge mess like...  
> I wish we had developed a bit more but also aww it's so good like !!!

James blinked, and felt a grin spread over his face. "Your arm- that you've hidden today because you're afraid it will scare us- would be totaled without Stark Tech and you know it." And then his grin was widening impossibly further. "That’s really sweet Mr. Barnes. Have you told him then?"

 

"Yeah. That's true. I actually wanted to take it off. Maybe one day I will, but without it... I'm pretty much useless." Bucky huffed quietly. "He knows I love him. He just doesn't understand that I love him as more than my best friend. That's okay though. I'd like to keep it that way. So keep it a secret."

 

James grumbled under his breath, "I doubt you'd be useless," but that was mostly to himself. "Well, Mr. Barnes, if you don't tell Captain Rogers I'm not going to tell Anna. Just remember if someone makes you happy you have to tell them." He smiled softly, leaning across the man’s lap to get more daisies.

 

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows together and placed the newly made flower crown on James' head, "There's a difference between the way you like Anna and the way I like Steve. It's adult stuff. There's a lot more that goes into a relationship with adults than with nine year olds." Bucky sighed. "The thing is, if you told Anna and she said she just wanted to be friends, you'd get over it and become friends again. With me, it's a lot different and there's a lot more on the line for me."

 

James frowned too, but lifted his hand to touch crown the man had given him. "I understand. Intimacy always creates tension. But I don't think he'd turn you down. He managed to convince you to come to a kid’s birthday even though people aren't your thing. And he's also distracting all the annoying kids so you can have some less stressful one-on-one. I think you won't be turned down."

 

"You're too smart for a kid. I ought to put you in touch with Fury. You've got to have some kind of super power." Bucky started to mess with his glove again, "It's not that though. There are other reasons I don't say anything and I'd rather not talk about it." Bucky flexed the fingers on his metal hand, listening to the familiar sounds of the plates shifting. "Steve is my best friend and that's enough for now. I'm not going to try to change it anytime soon."

 

James blushed again. "I just watch things," he shrugged, but his eyes narrowed slightly at Bucky. "You think I won't get it cause I'm a kid or you think it's too 'gruesome'. Don't worry Mr. Barnes, I've read your files. There's nothing you can say to me that will shock me." He looked at the metal hand with curiosity but didn't inquire, just listened as well.

 

"My files don't say anything about all the ways I killed people. My file doesn't say anything about how I washed blood out of my metal arm for hours after beating someone's head in with it. It doesn't tell you how the crunching of their skull sounded like." Bucky knew Steve would probably think this wasn't okay stuff to talk about with a kid, Bucky even thought it wasn't okay, but it didn't stop him. The words were just falling out, and he couldn’t stop himself. "My file says a lot, but it doesn't tell the whole story." Bucky watched James, looking at him stare at his metal arm, "Sometimes it feels like it hurts. I can't tell though." Bucky held out his gloved hand, the mechanical sounds getting a bit louder.

 

James almost gaped at Bucky for a moment, and then he let out a breath, blinking at the ground. "If it's ten million times worse than accidentally stepping on a snail, I think I can understand I little bit." He said, and put his hand out to catch the Soldiers metal hand in his own. It was slightly terrifying, to hear those words fall from his idols mouth, but he'd assumed as much. He squeezed the metal lightly. "It's okay," he said softly, barely audible. He pulled the daisy crown off his own head and shuffled so he could put it on Bucky's, not even letting go of his hand. "Well, no, it's not okay, not at all, but..." James shrugged. "Sometimes a slate of red is ignored so you can stop it happening in the future."

 

Bucky stared at where James was holding his hand. It seemed weird to him, for such a small and breakable thing to be holding on to something that could break him in an instant. Bucky watched the kid carefully as he moved to put the flower crown on his head. After a minute he pulled his hands away from James, a sudden wave of anxiety washing over him. "And sometimes a slate of red is ignored because Captain America is your best friend." Bucky closed his eyes breathing in deeply before opening them and looking around, wishing that Steve would come back already. 

 

James settled his hands back in his lap, nodding, because that was also very true. He tried not to be hurt over the fact that Bucky brought his hands to himself, because he understood, or at least could realize, what Bucky was feeling. "Captain Rogers wouldn't be around you, you still wouldn't be best friends if you were bad Mr. Barnes," he said softly, dark eyes watching the man’s face carefully. "But you have a tendency to not like yourself, so you blame yourself instead of just being happy." James hesitated. "I think you'd look nice if you smiled, but some people just aren't smiley people."

 

Bucky stayed quiet for several minutes before speaking up again, changing the topic so he didn't have to think about James' words. "Sometimes, I remember what it was like when I was a kid." He started, looking down at his lap, "I remember when I met Steve. He was like you. Smart and had a wit quicker then any whip in the world." Bucky realized how much this kid did really remind him of Steve, "He was real firecracker. Always managed to get into trouble. I swear he got into fights just to get me going sometimes." Bucky did smile a bit at that, "You really remind me of how he was back then."

 

James grinned. "Really? I remind you of Steve Rogers?" He asked, looking for a moment like he had won the lottery. He paused though, and shook his head. "I'm not as nice as Captain Rogers. And I can be really mean to people who annoy me. Captain Rogers is nice to everyone, even the people he doesn't like." He shrugged. "But I'll take whatever compliments you give Mr. Barnes."

 

Bucky snorted at James' words, "Yeah, he's real nice." Bucky said in a sarcastic tone, "You should see him when the general public isn't watching." He looked over at James then looked around, like he was checking to make sure no one else was around, "I'm gonna tell you a secret, da?" Bucky wrinkled his nose a bit at the small bit of Russian he let slip out, but leaned a bit closer to James none the less, "One time, Stark and Barton were having a prank war of sorts and one time, right? The good old' Captain put itching powder into all of Tony's suits and let Clint take the blame. No one ever knew it was him. Well, except me."

 

James' eyes widened for a moment, then he clapped his hands and laughed in ecstatic glee. "No way!" He said, looking at Bucky with bright eyes. "That's so awesome!" He quickly covered his laughs though with his hand, in case someone was watching. "I won't tell anyone," he murmured, leaning forward. He shuffled so he was right next to Bucky. "You just spoke Russian," he pointed out, still looking happy, because being bilingual was _so_ cool, "Could you do it again?"

 

Bucky thought about it for a minute, he didn't really like to speak Russian; he did sometimes though, with Natasha. He guessed it couldn't really hurt though and it _was_ the kid's birthday, "Вы не можете понять меня , так что я не понимаю, почему вы хотите, чтобы я говорить по-русски с вами."  Bucky said quickly, as he asked did when speaking Russian, "Russian is a hard language. It feels weird on my tongue."

 

James' eyes widened, until they were as wide as saucers. "It does sound like a hard language... but... That's so cool," he breathed, smile widening into a grin. "What did you say?"

 

"I was wondering why you wanted me to speak Russian when you can't even understand me." Bucky sighed softly and looked up. Taking a deep breath, "You should probably go back to your party. I'm sure Anna is missing you."

 

"I think people who are bilingual are very talented," he started, but James felt his stomach drop slightly, and he nodded, suddenly looking upset. "Of course. Yeah." He fiddled with his own fingers, not wanting to act like a little kid and make Bucky feel guilty, but he couldn't help it. "You don't want to talk anymore. I'm boring right? Not an international spy, just a nine year old kid who has a huge celebrity crush." He sniffed, and stood, not liking being shot down, and feeling like he was overreacting. He got that from his mum. He offered his hand to the man, smiling softly, because it wasn't Bucky's fault he was not exciting.

 

Bucky let out a sigh at how let down James seemed. The last thing Bucky wanted was too make him upset. Bucky looked at James' hand when he offered it to him and stared at him for a second before taking a deep breath, standing on his own and gently pulling James into a hug. "You're not boring. You're very interesting and you are very smart. I'm just overwhelmed today." Bucky was careful to not hurt James as he hugged him, "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

 

James let out a little noise of surprise at Bucky hugging him, but he immediately was hugging him tightly around the middle, squeezing as tightly as he could, because it seemed Bucky was holding back slightly. "Thank you," he said, burying his nose into Bucky's chest. "I'm sorry, I'm like my mom, I get upset super easy." James didn't ever plan on letting go. This entire moment was surreal. "Thank you for being the best Mr. Barnes."

 

Bucky hugged James a bit tighter, "I ain't the best; I think that title belongs to you." Bucky sighed softly and let James go after a few minutes, holding his arms in a soft grip "You're a good listener and when you get older, you'll be a great man." Bucky gave James a smile that usually only Steve saw, "And you also gotta remember to invite me to yours and Anna's wedding." He teased, hoping it works make him feel a little better.

 

James returned the smile in a grin. "That means so much. This has been the best birthday ever. Thank you." He ducked his head, and looked up, just as Steve was reemerging from the side of the house, soaking wet and being chased by all the party guests. "Now you go get your guy too," he said happily, but seemed to remember something. "But can I get a photo with you first?" He asked, waving his mother over and grabbing Bucky's metal hand to tug him along.

 

Bucky stared at Steve when he saw him, but was immediately put off by the rest of the children. Bucky went with James to take a picture when he tugged at his hand, though. Bucky gave the barest hint of a smile in the picture, trying not to look too threatening. The presence of the other kids putting him on edge again.

 

James was grinning as wide as he could, but he had felt Bucky tense and was worried for him. He put his hand up for his mum to wait, and he turned to Bucky, stretched up and grabbed his shoulders, meeting his eyes as bravely as a nine year old could. "Mr. Barnes, those children will not bite you, and Captain Rogers would throw a fit if they did. I know you're not feeling super happy, but I really want you to just... I don't know... Is it too much trouble to ask you to pick me up for one photo? If you don't want we'll just take one more, but I swear I'm not very heavy and it's only one picture..." He looked hopeful for a moment, but was prepared to be shot down.

 

Steve was watching James give Bucky what seemed like a pep talk. He smiled, picking one of the boys up and spinning them around, keeping the kids chasing him around the back of the yard, making sure Bucky wasn't crowded.

 

Bucky looked around, his eyes shifting from place to place. He caught a small glimpse of Steve and sighed softly. Steve would probably have picked him up without him having to ask. Steve was good at that kind of stuff. Bucky well... his thoughts trailed off for a second before he snapped back to reality. It was a pretty simple request and it would only be for a few seconds. It took a couple more seconds of contemplation for Bucky to carefully pick James up, holding him again his hip with his flesh arm. "Is this good?" He wasn't really sure how he was supposed to hold him.

 

James near squealed. Again it was surreal, and he wrapped his legs tightly around Bucky's waist. "Yes!" He said excitedly, pulling bunny ears behind Bucky's head and smiling towards the camera jokingly. He didn't hear the shutter go, and he pressed a big kiss to Bucky's cheek. "You seem much taller from up here," he said, looking to the ground and laughing, tugging lightly at Bucky's hair because he was grasping Bucky behind the neck. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you," he said, putting his face in Bucky's neck and giggling like a young child.

 

Bucky looked a little dazed when he felt a kiss being pressed to his cheek. When James tugged a bit at his hair though, he almost dropped him, but quickly regrouped fast enough to make sure he didn't fall. It was when James put his face into his neck and told him that he wasn't going to hurt him, that was things went wrong.

 

The words triggered something and before he even knew what he was doing, he dropped James to the floor and stumbled backwards, his hands shaking slightly. It only took him a minute to come back to himself, but it seemed like much longer then that. The second he saw James on the floor he looked frantic. He stared at him for a moment before he was running, going around the side of the house that Steve wasn’t standing on, and he was out the gate before he could even realize what he was doing.

 

James landed on his hands and knees and winced, and while his parents were running over to him he was trying to stand to get to the man. "Bucky!" He called out, and he felt tears dripping down his cheeks already. He hadn't meant to trigger him; he'd said the wrong things only accidentally. "Come back!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what romance progression no way  
> bless children
> 
> ENJOYXX

Steve looked up and winced, gut curling. "I gotta go," he said hurriedly, chasing Bucky around the house and onto the street. He didn't know what had happened, so he sped up to block Bucky's way instead, stopping him in the middle of the road. "Your hour’s not up," he said casually, putting his hands up to stop Bucky's progression forward, "And the birthday boy wants you back there."

 

Bucky was breathing heavily when Steve stopped him, not from exertion, but from trying to calm himself down. Bucky shook his head at Steve's words, there was no way he was gone go back in there. He dropped him. Bucky couldn't believe he had just dropped him over a couple of words. He wanted to hit himself in the face or something. "I want to go." He mumbled, looking around for a second before his eyes landed back on Steve.

 

Steve shook his head, looking a little upset. "You can't leave without saying good bye to James. He wanted to chase after you alright? He understands to an extent what's going on, and doesn't blame you okay?" Steve took a step forward and put his hands and either of Bucky's shoulders, meeting his eyes. "You gotta go say goodbye okay? I'll come back with you, you can say sorry and get that last photo. I know that's what you were posing for."

 

Bucky looked at Steve with a pleading expression, "I don't think James' parents want an unstable and dangerous man that just dropped their kid to come back onto their property." Bucky mumbled and looked at the ground, "Can't you just go back and tell him I said bye?" Bucky bit his lip, looking back up at Steve. He didn't think he could face James after doing that you him, let alone take a picture with him.

 

"You stay right here okay? Well," he took Bucky's wrist and lead him off the road to the sidewalk, "Right here," he said, touching Bucky's chest with a light hand. "I'll talk to his parents, say goodbye to the other kids, and then we can go okay?" He asked, meeting Bucky’s eyes. He wasn't going to leave until he got the brunets confirmation.

 

Bucky went willingly with Steve over to the side walk and nodded at Steve's words. "I'll wait here for you then." Bucky shifted slightly on the spot and looked down at Steve's hand on his chest, wishing he could keep it there for just awhile longer, the touch soothing his nervousness slightly. He hoped Steve wouldn't take to long, standing out in the open wasn’t exactly helping his anxiety.

 

Steve moved quickly back to the house, and as soon as he was at the front door James was there, with tear streaked cheeks. He looked as if to be reassuring his parents he was fine, hiccuping. He saw Steve and ran to him, peering around the door and giving a half salute. He saw Bucky though, standing on the sidewalk, and there was no way Steve could have stopped him. He stayed with the parents, explaining and reassuring them too, watching the pair of them from the window.

 

James sprinted to the sidewalk, wanting to give Bucky a hug, but he stopped a few feet short, wiping his eyes and straightening up to catch his breath. "Buck- Mr. Barnes." He said quickly, wiping his eyes again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. It's not your fault you dropped me alright? It's not your fault, that's the PTSD most probably. Please forgive me, I didn't mean it." He took a careful step forward, sniffing, and he swallowed.

 

Bucky jolted a bit when he saw James coming towards him and barely resisted the urge to run. If there was one thing Bucky had no idea how to deal with, it was crying children. It felt like his heart was going a mile a minute as James spoke to him, "It's... Okay." Bucky managed to get out, his voice sounding strained as he looked over to the house, wishing Steve was back with him. This seemed to be easier with him around, "I just... they used to say that." Bucky clenched his jaw a bit, not really wanting to talk about it. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known." He looked at his feet, not wanting to meet James’ eyes. He thought it was rather pathetic to be so nervous of some kid, but he was anyway.

 

James sniffed and shook his head. "I do know. I do." James fiddled with his fingers, taking another step forward. "Bucky, just..." He started, looking behind him; Steve was coming out and was smiling, holding the camera up. The parents were still standing in the doorway, the kids running around the property, and they didn't look too upset, more just careful. "Cuddle up," Steve called out, and James hesitated, looking to the brunet. He shrugged, not wanting to make Bucky uncomfortable. "It's okay Captain. Mr. Barnes doesn't want to." Steve scoffed, grabbing his hand. "I'll be right next to you two, it'll be fine," he said quietly in James' ear. The boy shrugged again, looking to Bucky with big eyes, not certain if he should.

 

Bucky took a deep breath before nodding slightly and carefully placed his hands on James' shoulder, "It's okay." He mumbled and for a second he wasn't sure if he was saying it to James or himself. Bucky looked down to James again and the way James looked at him made Bucky soften a bit. It took him another minute to decide to pick James up again, holding him with his mechanical arm this time, thinking it might be more stable.

 

James was careful as he was picked up, just setting his arms around Bucky's shoulders instead of holding him tightly. He did smile though, because he could feel the metal under his body and supporting him and Bucky was actually holding him and it was amazing.

 

Steve grinned, holding the camera up and taking a few pictures of James looking at Bucky like he'd hung up the sun. He sidled up next to the pair of them, turning the camera and acting highly peppy and taking a selfie. He leaned over Bucky and wrapped his arm around Bucky's shoulders. He pressed his lips to Bucky's ear, whispering a quick, "Just act like you're happy. Think of... Me getting a cream pie in my face or something," he laughed, pressing a chaste kiss to Buckys cheek as he pulled away. James was giggling, and he leaned into Bucky's side, grinned, and he murmured in the opposite ear, "Did he just kiss you? He totally did."

 

Bucky's eyes widened a bit when Steve came in close to take a selfie. Bucky looked a bit shocked for a second when Steve whispered in his ear, but calmed down a bit when he realized that Steve wasn't saying what he thought he was about to say. Then Steve kissed his cheek and he looked at him, a baffled expression on his face. When James giggled in his ear he looked over to his and rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the slight flush of his cheeks. After taking a breath Bucky looked to the camera, giving a small smile, because as anxious as he was, this actually wasn't a bad feeling at all. It was very enjoyable, actually.

 

Steve snapped the shutter quickly, and checked the photo quickly, shaking his head. "I know you can do better than that," he drawled, shaking his head and poking his tongue out, causing James to pull as face as well. Steve kept clicking the shutter, laughing and holding Bucky firmly around the waist. Steve leaned his head against Bucky's, and James followed his lead, pushing their faces together. "Cheese!" Steve said loudly, and James grinning as widely as he could, drawing out a long, "Cheeeeeeese," and waiting for Bucky to do the same.

 

Bucky rolled his eyes at the pair as they pushed their faces closer to him. "You two are ridiculous." He mumbled, looking a bit sheepish. After a couple of seconds though, Bucky relented and cracked a smile, although it wasn't as bright and excited as the other two, but it was better then the previous one. He waited until Steve took the picture before sighing and looking over at him, "Happy?"

 

Steve looked at the photo then Bucky full in the face, narrowing his eyes playfully. James leaned forward and made a kissy face, then pointed to Bucky. Steve raised one eyebrow, as if contemplating, and James nodded enthusiastically. Steve didn't want to give the boy away, so he leaned forward quickly, pressing a quick kiss to Bucky's lips. James was grinning, nodding still, and Steve decided to bargain. "You'll get another one if you actually grin, there's my deal," he said, biting his bottom lip and flushing furiously.

 

Bucky blushed brightly when Steve kissed him and almost panicked. It felt like he was about to explode. This was too much to handle at once, but... Steve's lips did feel very good against his. Bucky wasn't exactly sure how long it was before he came back to himself, but when he did he took a deep breath and smiled brightly at the camera and waited for Steve to take the picture. After the picture was taken he quickly set James on the ground and looked over towards Steve, "I... I don't want you to kiss me again." He mumbled, although he actually _did_ want Steve to kiss him, he just couldn't handle the thought of people starting at them. It made him nervous.

 

James was jumping up and down, so happy for his idol, and he wrapped his arms around Bucky's thigh, and watching the both of them with big eyes. Steve raised an eyebrow, and pulled him into a hug. "It's okay, maybe later when it's just us," he offered softly. He hadn't known why James had told him to kiss Bucky, but it had worked and he felt as if he'd been wanting to do that since... Well since before the war. "You wanna go drop James off at his front door?" He asked, smiling down at the boy, then looking back to Bucky.

 

Bucky didn't respond to Steve but nodded when he asked if he wanted to take James to the door. Bucky walked slowly with James to his door and put a hand on his head, ruffling his hair slightly, "Be good, James." He muttered and gave James a smile once they were at the door, "Maybe I'll see you again sometime." Once he said his goodbyes to have he shuffled back to Steve's bike and put on the helmet he knew Steve would insist upon.

 

James was bouncing and looking sad and grinning all at once as Bucky dropped him off. He waved and stood in the doorway until both the men were on the bike, and then he was running inside. "Best birthday ever!" The rest of the kids took off after him, and for the rest of the party he was happy to join in.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously dudes this is your final warning, this thing is about to get hella sad, so if you are looking to be happy this is not where you want to be. The next chapter was awful to write, watch out for yourselves :) x
> 
> otherwise...
> 
> ENJOY XX

Steve hopped up on his bike as quickly as possible, patting Bucky's thigh and starting them off. He drive quickly home, before Bucky started panicking. He helped Bucky off the bike, taking the helmet and walking right by his side to the elevator. Steve felt an immense well of relief in his chest, and the door closed and Steve finally relaxed. "You did so well Buck," he praised, standing right next to him.

 

Bucky was quick to get inside and when Steve joined him in the elevator he took a deep breath. He wanted to say a lot of things to him, but instead he kept quiet and only nodded once when Steve praised him. The second the elevator door opened to his floor he kicked off his shoes and headed straight to his bedroom, not even bothering to see if Steve was going to follow him or just go straight to his own floor. Bucky got into his bed and nested himself in the blankets, so only his face was visible. There was a lot he had to think about now and he was exhausted from all the interactions he went through today.

 

Steve watched as Bucky disappeared, and he rubbed his face, finally able to stop and think about what James had wanted him to do. He went to the kitchen quickly, letting Bucky do what he wanted, and started making two cups of cocoa. He made Bucky's extra sweet and as the jug was boiling he rubbed his face. He'd kissed Bucky. His best friend. And it seemed like he hadn't minded at all. James seemed to have known what he was talking about, and in that particular moment he hadn't really thought about it, just acted. Steve sighed, and quickly made Bucky's drink before his own, going Bucky's bedroom and knocking lightly on the door. "Hey, Buck? I made some cocoa..." He pushed the door open slightly, speaking softly. "Do you want some? I've got a mug made up, but if you don't want it I'll just have it myself."

 

Bucky was glad for the silence of his room for now. He could feel the stress slowly ease out of his body and it gave him room to think. He'd gotten to kiss Steve, which he's wanted to do for as long as he can remember and Steve had said they could do it again. That meant Steve wanted to do it again, right? Or maybe he was just saying that to coax him into taking the picture. Bucky groaned at himself, wishing that this was easier to figure out. After a few minutes, he heard Steve knock on his site then slowly come inside and a wave of agitation seemed to wash over him. He grumbled in response to Steve's question. "Go away." Bucky huffed out and buried himself deeper into the blankets, hiding his face, "I'm mad at you." He mumbled after a minute, barely peeking out from under the pile of blankets to watch Steve.

 

Steve frowned, eyebrows pulling together. He came further forward instead of doing what Bucky asked and sat silently on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what I did wrong," he said, some sort of ignorant guilt lacing his tone.

 

Bucky looked at Steve then huffed. He knew that he was supposed to talk about what made him upset, he didn't like to, but it was good for his therapy. "You put me on an environment I wasn't comfortable with them you said you would get me out if it was too much, but when I asked to leave, you wouldn't let me go." Bucky turned away from Steve, "And you kissed me and I don't understand why."

 

Steve hesitated, before talking and sounding resigned. "I know. And I would have if you had wanted to leave and it was a good note, but you left James crying on the ground and that's no way to leave a kid. Also..." Steve felt color rush to his face even though he didn't want to, "James told me to kiss you. So I did... And... I don't regret anything I did today." He wrapped his hands more firmly around the cup, and staring at the floor. "I'm sorry my actions made you upset but I'm not sorry I did them."

 

"You're supposed to be the person I can trust." Bucky mumbled and looked down at his lap, "I don't like thinking that I can't trust you to take me out of a bad situation." Bucky sighed and glanced at Steve. "Did you only kiss me because James told you to?" He questioned, chewing on his bottom lip for a second.

 

Steve looked almost offended at that. "One: that was not a bad situation. You and I both know what a bad situation is, and a child's birthday party is not one, unless there's some sort of conspiracy going on." He gave a soft smile, but his tone was serious. "Two: of course you can trust me; I would have got you out if you'd truly been in danger. Three:-" At the final point he hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong thing, and he fumbled on his words. "I looked at James and he told me to kiss you, and I did, and I realized I wanted to kiss you again because it felt perfect. So..." He shrugged, and offered the drink again.

 

Bucky turned his head away from Steve when he offered the drink, feeingl a bit like a petulant child. "I was clearly uncomfortable and I asked you to get me out. Maybe I wasn't in any danger, but I wanted out. You said you'd get me out." Bucky looked back at Steve with a wounded expression, "I liked kissing you. I wanted to kiss for a long time. I just..." Bucky trailed off, "I love you, Steve, but I'm still mad."

 

Steve felt himself break into a grin, and he turned his face to look at Bucky, but it faltered and he let out a little breath. "I guess, well I guess I can't do anything about it now." He stood and put the cocoa on the bed side. The three words twisted his chest and pulled him to run his hand over the top of Bucky’s head. He smiled softly and shrugged. "When you feel like you're only a little mad at me I'll be in your lounge. I'll be there if you need anything... And that is something I can stick to." He turned away then, and left Bucky's room without another word.

 

Bucky watched Steve go and sighed. After about thirty minutes he untangled himself from his blankets then went to change into his pajamas. He was still a bit irritated and he was a lot worn out, but he wanted to be with Steve anyway. Bucky shuffled into the lounge and immediately went to Steve like he was a magnet. "Don't take me to parties anymore. I don't like them." He mumbled and looked at Steve seriously, "I still want to kiss you though."

 

Steve made himself his own mug of drink and by the time Bucky showed himself Steve had popped a bowl of popcorn, eaten half a packet of biscuits and downed the entire jug of hot water in forms of coffee, tea and cocoa. He looked up from where he was channel surfing and scooted over on the couch, opening a space for his friend. "I won't, don't worry. You look like you're about to fall on your face." He smiled softly and yawned himself. Children were tiring. The bike ride had dried out his clothes, but he still felt gross. He'd need to shower later. He swallowed too, turning his face away from Bucky even though he wasn't very close. "And... Kissing you was nice, I just don't know if... Well I wouldn't know how to go about it."

 

Bucky curled right up next to Steve. Steve was probably the only person he'd willingly get this close to. "Being around people makes me tired." He sighed and leaned his head against Steve's shoulder, "I don't know much about kissing anymore, except for what I see on TV." Bucky chewed on his bottom lip, looking up at Steve before moving to leave a soft kiss at the corner of Steve's mouth. "You're the only person I want to kiss, Stevie." He mumbled, pressing closer to Steve's side.

 

The blond swallowed, not turning away from the brunet, yet not reciprocating. He felt like a deer in headlights. The confidence from before was gone, and he felt like he was being constricted. "Buck, I wanna kiss you too," he said, tongue darting out to touch where Bucky's lips had just been. The nickname stung and warmed him at once, and he took a few deep breaths. He was trying to find a reason not to kiss the man, but he couldn't find one. The fact that he was looking for excuses could be an excuse, but it was probably just him being nervous. He turned into Bucky, and met his eyes. "I wanna kiss you too," he repeated, flicking the telly off absently as he leaned forward, stopping when there was only a few millimetres between their lips. Steve could feel Bucky's breath dusting his face, and he brought a hand up to clutch Bucky's pajama top.

 

Bucky watched Steve with rapt attention, staring at him like he was the last light on the world. When finally Steve turned to face him he let out a study breath. Bucky could feel the heat from Steve's lips when he moved in close and he closed his eyes before closing the distance between them. If was different then the kiss they had shared before, Bucky thought it was probably because he was actually participating in the kiss this time. It might have also have been that there was no one around now and that set Bucky's nerves at ease. Carefully, Bucky moved his metal hand to place it on Steve's knee.

 

Steve lifted his knee slightly, and rolled onto Bucky's lap, so both legs were straddling him. He didn't break the kiss, just moving and pressing his chest to the brunet’s. He only pulled back to take a few deep breaths, and then he was pressed against him again, not wanting to miss a moment of it. He placed both hands on the side of Bucky's face, cradling his jaw, and he felt like he was flying. That was probably due to the fact that he was not pulling back to breathe.

 

Bucky placed his hands on Steve's hips, being careful not to squeeze too hard. He made a noise of displeasure when Steve pulled away, but he was back just as soon as he left and Bucky sighed into the kiss. After awhile, Bucky wasn't exactly sure how long, the need for air was too much and he had to break away. He didn't move too far though, staying close to Steve as he caught his breath. Bucky stared at Steve, his eyes looking a bit glazed over, "I love you Steve." He repeated the confession that he had said earlier, but he seemed more venerable this time as he watched Steve.

 

Steve's gasping breaths caught, and he lolled his head back slightly, smiling like an idiot. It sounded perfect in his ears, and he just... Steve pressed a chaste kiss to Bucky’s jaw, still cradling his face. "Say it again," he breathed, eyes bright and shining now.

 

"I love you." Bucky repeated and moved them so he was pressing Steve into the couch, hovering over him. "I love you." He said again, starting down at Steve before leaning in to press kisses all over Steve's face, "I love you so much, Stevie." Bucky stared down at Steve and smiled at him before posting their foreheads together, closing his eyes as he breathed in.

 

Steve was grinning, too caught up in the moment to realize he was being moved or being pressed down upon. Steve closed his eyes too, enjoying the closeness and he wrapped his arms around Bucky's shoulders, just holding him, keeping him anchored.

 

After awhile Bucky laid down on top of Steve, putting his face in the crook of his neck so he could kiss the skin there. Bucky was content to just lay there, but a question was itching at the back of his mind, so he shifted a bit to get a better look at Steve's face. "Does this make us more than friends?"

 

Steve blinked slowly, and it didn't take him long to just nod. His pulse was throbbing where Bucky had kissed his neck, and he wanted to feel it again. "We've always been more than friends," he murmured, tilting his head more in an offer for Bucky to continue in his administrations.

 

"Okay." Bucky resumed kissing Steve's neck, sighing against his skin occasionally. Bucky continued to kiss all up and down Steve's throat and up to his face for who knows how long. Although, after awhile Bucky started yawning, occasionally nodding off for a few seconds before snapping out of it and going back to peppering his kisses over the blond.

 

Steve felt Bucky's forehead rest on his throat, and he smiled tiredly, as if the feeling was contagious. He chuckled, rolling Bucky over and reversing their positions. He nosed the side of Bucky's face, before resting their cheeks together so he could whisper in his ear. "You sleep, just sleep and in the morning I'll kiss you again," he breathed, rubbing his hands up and down Bucky's chest, soothing him further.

 

Bucky gave Steve a sleepy smile and nodded, wrapping his arms around Steve as he let himself drift off. It was probably the quickest he'd fallen asleep in a long time. Bucky was out like a light almost immediately after he closed his eyes. He snored quietly in his sleep, his head lolling to the side just a bit.

 

Steve gathered Bucky up in his arms, taking him to his room and tucking him under the blankets. He went back out to the lounge, cleaning up his mess, and then going back to Bucky's bedroom. It was adorable, really, the way Bucky slept. The weight left his shoulders. He climbed under the covers too, not even bothering getting changed. He tucked himself under Bucky's arm, falling asleep slowly, enjoying the steady thumping of the man’s heart. If he got this tired over some kids, he needed to take Bucky out more.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! I have finished editing more meaning I can update yay!!! hope it's good and that you
> 
> ENJOYXX
> 
> also happy easter/holidays :3
> 
> also this chapter is sad and like seriously look at the tags and a little bit of mention of noncon later and also sorry it could be written better sorry in general wow

 

_[A few Months later]_

 

Steve was standing in the kitchen when the elevator request button was dinged. They'd actually been spending most of their time together, both he and Bucky, and the fact that he was on Bucky's floor was not really surprising for anyone. He frowned, surprised, because normally on a Sunday no one disturbed them. Life was pretty normal, Steve going out on the odd world-saving job, but otherwise everything was pleasantly domestic. Steve went and allowed the elevator to come up, and he frowned, surprised when the doors opened. Who he was say was not anyone he’d been expecting. A tear streaked Ms. Anders, with James’ father, and Steve was immediately concerned. He quickly conversed with the parents, his whole mood dropping as they asked for Bucky. The fact that James wasn't with them was worrying, and Steve went quickly to the bathroom, knowing Bucky had probably just gotten out of the shower. "Buck, you have visitors. It's important."

 

Bucky was just getting out of the shower when he heard Steve talking with someone out in the other room. Bucky frowned a bit, wondering who it could be. He quickly dried off then got dressed and was about to leave the bathroom when Steve came in the room, saying the visitors were for him. Bucky was a little nervous about strangers and such still, but Steve had already seen them and deemed them safe enough for Bucky to see them. He didn't ask Steve who they were, because Steve's voice sounded a bit strained and he had said it was important. So Bucky headed out to talk with whoever it was that was that was asking for him. The last people he expected to see standing there were James' parents. Bucky looked around, furrowing his eyebrows together when he didn't see the boy. "Um, hello. What can I do for you?" He questioned, his tone sounding too formal.

 

As soon as she saw Bucky Ms. Anders started hiccupping, small little suppressed sobs, leaning into her ex-husband. She was holding an envelope in her hand, and her husband took it, looking forlorn. "I'm sorry to bother you..." James' father said softly, and his bottom lip trembled for a moment, before he steeled himself, swallowing and opening his mouth to speak, but Steve spoke before he could.

 

"You two, come in and take a seat, please," he ushered them in, onto the closest couch, and the pair sat right next to each other, Bethany leaning on the man next to her. Steve beckoned Bucky over too, to the little lazy boy across from the couch.

 

Bucky slowly followed the pair over to the couch, sitting down near Steve and looking at the two people in front of him with an expression of pure confusion. Bucky looked to Steve, like he so often did when he didn't understand something. A thousand questions went through Bucky's head. What were they here for? Where was James? Why did he have this foreign feeling in the pit of his stomach that made him feel like he was sinking? Bucky wanted to ask, but he couldn't find his voice. So he just waited for them to explain what was going on.

 

Mr. Anders looked at both men, but surprisingly, the first one to speak up was Bethany. "A few weeks after you two came to his birthday... James... He felt really sick." The woman's voice was shaky and thick, but she powered on. "We took him to the doctors and... He had fourth stage leukemia.” Her voice cut off slightly, and she cleared her throat. Being so blunt seemed to make it easier to explain. “In his blood. It had managed to stay undetected, or he didn't talk to us about feeling sore. There was no way we could have stopped it in time." She wiped her nose, and she was trembling. Mr. Anders wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "He deteriorated quickly after that. It was about three weeks and..." She cut off and ducked her head, and it was at that time that her ex-husband took over.

 

"The entire time, while he died, James had his signed Bucky bear with him, and whenever we were extremely upset, he told us that, 'When Mr. Barnes came to my party he was scared, but he stayed strong for me'. We never knew you meant so much to him." The father faltered, and held out the envelope. "The day he died he looked through the photos on our camera, and he asked to have this printed off. He asked us to give it to you." Both of the parents had red eyes now, and the dad tried to open the envelope but his hands were shaking. Steve leaned over and took it carefully, opening it quickly. He glanced it at before handing it over.

 

It was the photo of them, all three, just after Steve had kissed Bucky for the first time. James had his face pressed right against Bucky's cheek, and Steve was grinning too. Bucky was in the middle, blushing, and actually smiling. On the back, in the messy scrawl of a boy who barely had any more heartbeats left were the words...

_I didn't get to get my Anna, I hope you get your Steve._

 

The whole time while James' parents talked, Bucky grew more and more numb. It wasn't all that strange for him to feel numb, but this time, it was different. It was like his mind was short circuiting. Then he was being handed the picture and when he looked down at it his heart rate sped up. There was no way that the boy in the picture, who had been so smart and understanding of Bucky, even when Bucky was being closed off, there was no way he could be dead. It wasn't possible. Bucky stared at the picture for a long period of time before he turned out over. It felt like his chest was constricting and his breathing was beginning to seem a bit labored. As he read the words over and over he felt his eyes begin to water and he hadn't cried in so long that he forgot he even knew how. Bucky turned the picture over in his hands and this time, when he laid his eyes on James, smiling happily in the picture, he lost it.

 

Bucky bolted out of the room, not saying anything to anybody as he went down the hall and locked himself in his bedroom. Tears were running down his face at this point, but he didn't make any sound. Bucky leaned up against the door, holding the picture to his chest as a soft sob finally made it's way past his lips. How was this fair? How did Bucky get to keep on living after all the awful things he had done when this poor kid, who barely had a chance to start living, was dead? Bucky closed his eyes tightly, thinking about the words written on the back. Even as he was about to die, James was thinking of him and it made Bucky's heart hurt in a way he didn't know how to explain.

 

Steve let Bucky leave, and sat with the parents a long while, making polite small talk and occasionally bringing up how lovely James had been. He felt sad, of course he did, but the fact that he was so acutely aware of illness- due to the fact that he'd been dying most if his pre-serum life- it just didn't seem to hit as hard for him. Eventually the father ushered his ex-wife up, and Steve led them to the elevator, wishing them the best and giving his condolences. He felt terrible, but he couldn't imagine what Bucky felt. The parents smiled softly once at him, wishing Bucky the best as well, and then they'd disappeared. Steve looked to the ground and sniffed once, before going over to Bucky's bedroom quietly and knocking softly on the door. "Buck, can I come in?" He asked softly, leaning against the door, concern lacing his tone.

 

Bucky made a sort of whining sound when Steve knocked on the door. Usually Bucky had no problem with letting Steve in to make him feel better, but for some reason he just didn't want that now. All he wanted was for this not to be true. Bucky looked back down at the picture and sniffled as he stared at James. Bucky stood up and shuffled over to his dresser setting the picture down on top of it. Another wave of sadness washed over him as he was reminded of how much James had made him think of Steve before he got the serum. He let out a sob gripping the side of the dresser so hard that he crushed it with his metal hand. The feeling of the wood breaking set something off and he looked to the door.

 

Steve was undoubtedly still standing on the other side, but instead of going to let him in he went over to the wall and put is flesh had through it. Why did James have to die? There was so many other people that deserved to die, but not James. Bucky stared to punch the wall repeatedly, until there was a hole big enough for his head to fit through. Then he just started to destroy his room, knocking things over and breaking things, he took care to avoid the dresser though, which had the picture on it. His flesh hand was bleeding, but he didn't seem to feel it and just continued to break things, like it was going to help him somehow.

 

As soon as Steve heard the first punch he'd opened the door. He stood in the doorway at first, watching Bucky break and crack and fall apart. He probably would have let him continue to break things, as sometimes it was considered therapeutic, but he saw the blood trickling down Bucky's flesh arm and he walked forward, dodging Bucky's arms and pulling him into a hug that constricted his arm movement. Steve grunted, holding Bucky as tightly as he could. "We're okay, Buck, shhh, Bucky, we're okay," he said firmly, moving Bucky and throwing both of them on the bed. It was difficult, keeping Bucky's metal arm in check, but he held as tightly as he could, not wanting the brunet to hurt himself. It hurt Steve, to see Bucky so torn up, and he didn't let Bucky move, just held him still, which was a feat in itself. "Bucky, shhh, we're okay." He didn't want to say that everything was alright, because it wasn't, but there was one thing he was sure of. They were okay. Or... They would be. "It'll be okay."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry
> 
> ENJOY XX ?
> 
> Also im going to ed sheeran tonight i am so excited i almost forgot to update

Bucky struggled against Steve for awhile, trying to get out of his hold. After a couple of minutes though, he just went limp, letting Steve hold him against the bed. Bucky wasn't even aware of the tears that were coming down his face until he calmed down a bit. It took a few more minutes for Bucky to move his arms and capture Steve in a crushing hug, burying his face in the crook of Steve's neck. He just stayed like that, hiccupping against Steve's neck and squeezing his eyes shut to try to stop the tears. It had seemed like it had been longer then it was since he was given that picture, that it had only just happened somehow made it worse. Bucky managed to wiggle out of Steve's grasp and sat up, pulling Steve up too. Bucky stared and Steve for a long time, tears still standing down his face, before he leaned in to press his forehead against Steve's, "Do you..." Bucky started, then stopped, "I wish it was me instead of him."

 

As Steve was pulled into a sitting position, he moved his arms to wipe at Bucky's cheeks, using his sleeve to catch the tears. "It's not very fair," he said calmly, meeting Bucky's red rimmed eyes with clear blue ones. He wasn't going to chide the brunet for wanting to take James' place, it wasn't surprising at all, and Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky's forehead. It was hard, watching Bucky fall apart, but somewhere Steve was relieved that this had effected the ex-assassin. If he'd been unaffected Steve would have reason to worry. "He's not in pain anymore," Steve stated quietly, cradling Bucky's face in the same way he had their first kiss.

 

"He was just a kid..." Bucky diverted his eyes, but didn't try to get out of Steve's hold, "He was gonna be so great." He sniffed and closed his eyes, taking in a shuddering breath. Bucky broke away from Steve, going to get the picture off of the dresser. "Can we go to your floor?" Bucky questioned, holding the picture against his chest with his metal hand not wanting to get the blood from his flesh hand on it. He didn't want to be around the disaster he'd made of his room. It made him feel constricted when he was around messes like this. After a minute he looked at Steve, realizing that Steve was probably very sad too. "Are you okay, Steve?"

 

Steve waited until Bucky came back to him, then started leading them back to the elevator. "I'm okay Bucky. Kids die all the time sadly. Just gotta try and be strong so they look down on us and know how it's done." He held his hand out for the picture. "I'll hold it, then patch your hand up and give it back yeah?" He asked, standing to hold Bucky around the waist.

 

Bucky was reluctant to give up the picture, but if there was one person he trusted it was Steve. Bucky handed over the picture and nodded, "My chest hurts." He mumbled, sniffling slightly as let his forehead fall against Steve's shoulder, "I don't like it."

 

Steve brought a hand up to brush Bucky's hair out of his face, ushering him to the elevator without speaking, then onto his floor, supporting his weight. "Come on, let's sit you down." He moved Bucky to the couch and set the photo in front of Bucky on the coffee table. "I'm going to find my first aid kit. You stay put love."

 

Bucky watched Steve go, his eyes following him until he was out of sight. Bucky tore his eyes away to look back at the picture. The longer he stared at it, the stranger he felt. It was like he was starting to shut down. The feeling was eerily similar to how he used to feel back when he was first recovering from all the Hydra bullshit. It should have been worrying, but he felt too numb to care. Bucky closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose and slowly opened his eyes. Quickly, Bucky snatched the picture off the table and stood. He made his way back to the elevator, his mind turning. The way he moved seemed more fluid, his movements more trained.

 

Steve took a few minutes searching for the kit, but when he did, he made sure to get back into the lounge as quickly as possible. "Bucky?" He asked immediately at not seeing the brunet on the couch. He looked over to the elevator, and saw the doors closing. Steve felt a rush of panic, running over and stopping the doors from closing. "What are you doing?" He asked, holding the doors open.

 

Bucky snarled at Steve when he stopped the doors from closing. " _Get the hell away from me_." He pushed Steve back with his metal hand and hit the close door button, going back to his floor. Bucky got to his room, kicking things out of his way as he went to grab the bag of stuff he always kept in his closet in case of emergencies. He carefully placed the picture in the bag before slinging it over his shoulder and going back to the elevator, hitting the down button.

 

Steve stumbled backwards, and as soon as the doors were closed he was moving to the stairwell. He honestly wasn't quite sure why he was surprised, and as he was running down the stairs, he was yelling, "JARVIS, stop the elevator on floor five. Get those doors open for me," he said, leaping over the railing. "Bucky's trying to get away." There was a pause, and then:

 

"He's stopped. I'll keep the doors closed until you get there sir."

 

Steve kept running.

 

Bucky growled when the elevator stopped and he hit the doors with his metal arm. "Why the fuck did you stop the elevator?" Bucky questioned, not waiting for a response before he started to pry the doors open with mechanical arm, the plates shifting around to distribute the weight.

 

Steve got to the fifth floor elevator just as he the doors started getting pried open. "Keep it closed JARVIS," he ordered, standing in front of it but not close enough that Bucky could touch him. "Buck, what're you thinking right now? What are you trying to do?" He asked, voice tight.

 

Bucky grunted as he continued to try to pull the doors open, "Let me the hell out of here." He snapped managing to pry open the doors just a bit more, "Open the doors!" He pushed at the doors even harder, denting them slightly before huffing loudly and stepping back, ignoring Steve's question and reaching into his bag to pull out a hand gun. One that he wasn't actually supposed to have, as part of the agreement he'd made with the board of directors. He wasn't about to tell anyone that he had it out who gave it to him, but he always kept it in his emergency bag. "Open the doors or I'm going to shoot the entire elevator down."

 

Steve's eyes widened when he saw the gun but they quickly narrowed. "Bucky, please. I'll get the doors open, I just need you to put that down. Please. You're slipping, Buck you're slipping, just take a moment. We can figure out what's going on, just put the gun down." He said desperately, wishing he had his shield with him. "Please."

 

Bucky clutched the gun tightly in his hand, closing his eyes as he listened to Steve's voice. He seemed to calm down for a second, lowering the gun to his side. After a few seconds though he opened them back up and shot at the roof of the elevator before pointing the gun at Steve through the small slit in the door, "Open the doors."

 

Steve stood with his shoulders squared, shaking his head. "You know I can't do that without knowing what you're doing," he replied, looking down the barrel of the gun. It probably wasn't the best idea, but Steve wasn't known for his good ideas. "What do you think James would say right now Buck?" He said after a moment, putting his hands up in a placating kind of way. "He'd say you need to take a moment, realize what's going on, and calm down. So Buck, just do it for me. I don't like seeing you like this."

 

Bucky growled at Steve when said James' name. He fired the gun once at the ceiling. "Stop talking!" He started pacing around the elevator before stopping at the corner and punching through the elevator wall, ripping it open more until he could fit his torso through it. He leaned out, shooting his the gun at the cords that kept the elevator suspended.

 

Steve ran forward and pressed himself against the crack, shaking his head. "JARVIS," he said loudly, and the doors hissed open. Steve tackled Bucky's side, trying to wrestle the gun from his hand on their way to the ground. The AI closed the doors behind him, and Steve was being careful not to hurt Bucky's hand. Bucky must have nicked one of the cables, because the elevator swayed hugely. "Bucky, please. I love you, please stop whatever you're doing!" The blond yelled, grunting as he did his best to neutralize the threat.

 

Bucky thrashed underneath Steve, trying to kick him off as he was tackled to the floor. He jerked the gun away from Steve and aimed for at the ceiling again, shooting at where he thought the cables would be. After firing off a few bullets, he managed to hit one, making the cabin drop down a few feet. It took him a minute to flip Steve onto his back, but when he did, he climbed over him and aimed the gun at his head. Bucky was breathing heavily, his flesh hand trembling slightly. Bucky finally came back to himself in that moment and realized what he was doing, his eyes grew wide. He practically jumped off of Steve, pressing himself against the wall, "Steve... I'm-I'm sorry." He still held the gun tightly in his hand. In a moment of panic he made for the hole in the wall he created, climbing out and managing to get on top of the elevator. He didn't know what floor they were at, but he punched through the wall and forced his way through it, tumbling out onto the floor. Bucky rolled and got to his feet, making his way to the stairs and quickly fleeing the building, heart hammering in his chest as he made his way down the street.

 

Steve felt the cabin drop, and he rolled onto his back, trying to make it to his feet. Bucky had escaped through the hole in the wall, and when Steve tried to get through himself he found out how much smaller he was than Steve. The cabin shuddered again, and Steve balanced out, hands to his side. "JARVIS?" He asked, and immediately the AI responded. "If I try opening the doors sir, you'll surely drop. Your best bet is to climb through the hole Mr. Barnes created."

Steve let out a breath, and once more tried to make it through the hole. The cabin shuddered once more, and Steve froze. He waited until everything stopped moving, then tried to move forward again.

 

But then the cable snapped. Steve cried out, and pushed himself back into the cabin, bracing himself in a ball. The elevator hit the ground, and when the dust finally cleared, Steve was coughing and groaning. "Bucky," he groaned, trying to uncurl himself, but he was sure he was injured somehow, either his ribs or his arms, but he was sure falling five stories didn't leave him unscathed. Steve let his head fall back, and he prayed that Bucky was alright by himself for the moment.

 

Bucky didn't know where he was planning on going, but he just kept running. Why the hell did he let this happen? James was just some kid, but for some reason, he made Bucky snap. And now he was running down the street and he had just been holding a gun to Steve's head. When Bucky finally stopped running he realized he was just around the corner from where James' house was. He cursed and began walking in the opposite direction. Bucky had no idea what he was even going to go, but he couldn't go back and face Steve right now and he couldn't let anyone be alerted to his whereabouts. After that freak out he was probably going to have to go through a whole new trial. There was no way the board was going to let him walk away from this. Especially since he had broken the gun rule and fled.

 

Bucky headed back from the direction he came and easily shoplifted a hoodie to hide his arm. If there was one thing Bucky knew how to do, it was disappear. He knew that Steve was going to be torn up about this, but he needed to get his head clear. He'd only be gone a few days. Steve was going to look for him, he knew that, but he'd just have to hope that he wouldn't be found.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so now we have an update   
> life was getting in the way  
> for example my internet crapped out
> 
> but anyway, watch bucky's dialogue for some socrates stuff :P 
> 
> ENJOYXX

"Bucky, if you get this, I'm so worried, please, come home."

 

Steve put the phone down, looking around the room that was now almost entirely clean. Steve had bided his time tidying everything up, also putting up missing persons posters and taking painkillers for his broken rib. He hadn't told anyone about Bucky freaking out, instead he told Tony that there'd been a misfire of his gun and they'd decided to try and find a more interesting way to explain a malfunctioning elevator cabin. Tony had looked apprehensive, but remained none the wiser. Steve sat on the bed, staring at his hands for a few minutes. He just wanted Bucky home.

 

Steve took an hour to actually move once he'd sat down. Nat had promised that she’d be on full scout, as had Sam and Clint, and all three had promised not to say a word. Steve cleared his throat, and started making himself a coffee, when the elevator, now fixed, started up. Steve didn't expect it to be anybody, so continued making his drink. He didn't expect the elevator to stop at his floor, let alone open. Steve looked up, and almost dropped his mug.

 

"Bucky?"

 

Bucky had listened to Steve's messages whenever he left them. It always made his heart hurt a bit, but he still needed time. He had been moving around for the past few days, making sure to leave no trace of his whereabouts. Natasha had gotten pretty close to tracking him down, but he managed to throw her off his trail. It was hard, but he managed it.

 

Bucky had just listened to Steve's latest message as he made his way back to the tower. Still keeping low not wanting anything to find him before he saw Steve. Bucky was actually surprised that he managed to get into the elevator without being detected. He went to Steve's floor, looking nervous and guilty, holding the bag he took with him against his chest. The second he saw Steve he looked down, slowly stepping out of the elevator and mumbling an apology under his breath.

 

Steve set his mug down and it spilt a little onto the bench. He rushed forward, pulling Bucky into a hug. He squeezed tightly, and then pulled back, catching Bucky's wrist and checking his hand. "Are you okay? You feeling okay?" He asked hurriedly, running his hands through Bucky's hair and cupping his face, searching his eyes then feeling the man’s chest and shoulders. "How're you feeling?" He asked before Bucky could reply, grabbing Bucky's wrist and tugging him to the bench to clean up his hand properly.

"I'm fine, Steve." Bucky mumbled but let Steve pull him over to the bench to clean up his hand. He just watched as Steve cleaned him up, chewing his lip. "I'm sorry." He looked down at the ground and sighed, "I didn't mean to." Bucky looked back up arty Steve, pulling his hand away from him. "I hurt you..." Bucky took a shuddering breath in and closed his eyes. "I don't know why I did that. I was just... I got scared and then I couldn't think and I was remembering things I shouldn't remember and I didn't know what I was doing." Bucky was starting to get worked up, breathing heavily and trembling, "Then I was holding the gun to your head. I could have killed you Steve. What if I killed you?"

 

Steve let Bucky talk, and when the brunet pulled his hand away Steve watched him carefully. "Bucky," he said firmly, so Bucky didn't spiral down the path of panic. "What if's are pointless. You didn't hurt me, falling five stories hurt me. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. I don't think it's your fault." He caught Bucky's hand to bandage it up. "You gotta just stop and think for a moment." Steve said, looking at Bucky as he set the gauze in place with some antiseptic. "No one is hurt, we're both here together, and I even tidied up your room." He offered a small smile, pulling Bucky into another hug.

 

"Why do you always have to be so nice to me?" Bucky questioned, leaning his head on Steve's shoulder when he hugged him. "You never scold me or ask too many questions. You always are so nice." He mumbled and pulled away from Steve. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have fallen five stories. You wouldn't have been hurt. I had a gun pointed to your head. A gun I wasn’t supposed to have. I fled the scene. I stole things. For all you know, I could've killed somebody. Even then you would probably baby me." Bucky seemed confused and a little irritated, "Why don't you get mad?"

 

Steve met Bucky's gaze, and he shrugged. "I won't get mad at you Buck. The way you act isn't your fault. And you didn't kill anyone, because you would have been arrested for that. By the way, I made sure no one knows you have a gun. Or ran off. They just think you're sick. The only people that know are Sam, Nat and Clint." He smiled softly, and rubbed Bucky's face with a thumb. "I don't get mad because I don't blame you. It would be unfair for me to get mad when it's not your fault."

 

"I'm a trained assassin. They would never find out of it was me." Bucky pointed out and looked at Steve seriously. "It is my fault though. I refuse to cope in healthy ways. I freak out about emotions and don't even pretend like it's not hard for you to deal with me. I'm a basket case. On my best days I can still be hard for even myself to deal with. I can't imagine what is like for you." Bucky kept his eyes on Steve. "I know you tell me you don't mind dealing with me and I know you mean it, but you can't honestly look me in the eye and tell me that it's not hard for you." He let out a breath and closed his eyes. "I'm gonna tell the board what happened. I don't like it when you have to lie to try to protect me. It's not your burden to carry."

 

"I've carried heavier," Steve said immediately in reply, leaning down and trying to get Bucky to open his eyes again. "It's hard, but it wouldn't be post-war Bucky if it wasn't. Living and loving you is rewarding, and if it was too hard I wouldn't be here. I don't want you to tell the board. They'll lock you up, and it was stressful not knowing where you were. I don't want them to know. I'll keep it a secret, Buck please, just stay with me."

 

"You can't protect me from everything Steve. Just like I couldn't always protect you." Bucky sighed and opened his eyes to stare at Steve. "I messed up, Stevie. I know you're okay with carrying people's burdens for them, but you shouldn't have to and I need to take responsibility for what I do." Bucky bit his bottom lip, chewing on it for a few seconds. "Your problem is that you act like you don't have any or they just don't get to you. I can tell you're not okay. You don't always have to be the strong one, you know. You're allowed to be upset and frustrated and angry and sad. You always act like you're the one that needs to take care of everyone else, but it never seems like you take care of yourself." 

 

Steve flinched once, but he immediately steeled himself. "I take care of other people because I don't need taking care of Buck. By making sure you're alright means I'm alright too." His smile was tight lipped and worried, for the brunet, not himself. "I was upset that you left, but now you're back so I'm not upset."

 

"Shut up, Rogers. I may not remember a whole lot, but if there's one thing I know, it's that you'll never admit to having a problem. You could be bleeding out on the floor and you'd tell everyone you're fine cause you're too much of a damn idiot to admit you need help," Bucky huffed out. "Even before the serum I remember you being like that. So don't give me any of that 'I'm fine if you're fine' crap." Bucky stood up and walked over to get the phone. "I'm gonna turn myself in and while I'm incarcerated, I want you to take care of yourself and stop with that 'I'll be fine if you're fine' shit. You gotta be able to be fine on your own. Even I know that."

 

Steve's eyes widened, and his heart went to his throat. How could he make sure Bucky was okay if he wasn't with him? "Bucky please, no one knows." He caught Bucky's metal wrist, tugging him away from the phone for a moment, though he hesitated. He didn't want to pervert the course of justice. "I'll show you I'm fine, but to show you, you need to be here with me."

 

Bucky stepped away from the phone when Steve turned him, conflicted about what to do. He didn't want to be locked up, but he thought it was the right thing. "I just want to do the right thing." Bucky mumbled, looking at the ground. "But I want to be with you too."

 

Steve nodded, and at Bucky's realization, caught his hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there. "How about... I call them. Lay low on some of the details, just say... Some of the most important bits. And then what they decide to do will be less, and you can come back to me sooner." He stepped towards Bucky until their bodies were in line, and he raised an eyebrow. "How's that sound?"

 

Bucky watched Steve for a second before nodding, "Okay. I guess that's fine." Bucky nodded so he could press his forehead to Steve's. "I just want you to be alright too. You always say you are, but I know that's not always true." Bucky pulled Steve against his chest and buried his face into the crook of Steve's neck, "Are you really happy?"

 

Steve made a noise of surprise, but slowly brought his hands up to wrap around Bucky's back. "Yes Buck, I really am." He smiled and pressed a kiss to Bucky's head. "I'm happy now, with you, and sometimes I remember the things I've done... Get a little sad and upset, and then I remember what you were made to do. So I suck it up. Because no matter how bad I will ever feel about only ever being viewed as a soldier or show pony, that's never half as bad as what you've done." Steve shrugged slightly, letting Bucky's warmth comfort him.

 

"That's not okay, Steve." Bucky frowned a bit, "You can't push your problems away just ‘cause someone else had it worse." Bucky placed his hands on Steve's cheek. "Problems aren't a competition. Just cause someone had a worse time, doesn't mean you can't feel your own pain. Problems are problems and they hurt no matter how big or small. So quit being a punk and deal with 'em."

 

Steve let Bucky cradle his face, and shrugged slightly. He looked down, not able to meet Bucky’s eyes for the moment. "I've been... Putting other people first for a long time Buck," he said carefully, looking up and offering a small smile. "I'm not sure I know how to deal with problems of my own." His expression was of someone who didn't seem too phased by that realization, and he brushed Bucky's hair off his face.

 

"I want to help you. I just... I don't really know how." Bucky sighed and pressed his forehead against Steve's, "If you want to talk to me, I'll listen. I'm not so great at advice, but I guess it helps to talk some times." Bucky sighed again, "All I want is to help you and... I know that helping you and making sure you're okay would be what James would want me to do."

 

Steve smiled and nodded, moving to press a soft kiss on Bucky's lips. "That's exactly what he'd want," he affirmed, and turned to hold Bucky around the waist. "I'll take you up on that offer," he murmured, picking up the phone and dialing. "Right, you ready for me to confess?" He asked, leaning into his friend.

 

Bucky took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm ready." He grabbed Steve's hand and squeezed it lightly, "I love you." He mumbled, looking up at Steve with a small smile, but seemed a bit worried.

 

Steve grinned, and pressed the call button on the phone. "I love you too."

And then he was speaking to the board representative, using hushed tones and being as polite as he was possibly able. They'd be fine, Steve kept reminding himself, it would be fine.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cutsie chapter yayayay
> 
> ENJOY XX

When the conversation was over, Steve squeezed Bucky's hand back, and turned to him, eyes bright. "We have a Board Rep coming here, they're on their way, and they're going to interview you. I'm allowed to be in the room, but you're the only one allowed to answer okay?" He informed, turning to Bucky and holding him tightly.

 

Bucky breathed out slowly, trying to calm his nerves a bit. It helped when Steve turned to hold him. Bucky returned the embrace, humming softly. "What if I say the wrong thing? What if they..." Bucky shook his head slightly, trying to get the rights out of his head, "It's gonna be okay." Bucky said aloud, hoping it would help him to believe it. "When is the Board Rep gonna be here?"

 

Steve leaned to look at his watch, not letting Bucky go. "Fifteen minutes. If you want we can go over everything, but you're not going to lie so it won't be really necessary." He kissed Bucky's forehead. "You'll be fine."

 

Bucky nodded letting a puff of air, "I can do it. I'll tell the truth and it'll be fine." Bucky leaned in to kiss Steve, holding his face in his hands, "If they take me in, are you going to be allowed to visit me?" That's the one thing Bucky was worried about, if they decided to take him in. If he couldn't see Steve, he didn't think he would make it.

 

Steve pressed into the kiss, nodding. "Of course I will. I'll make sure I will. I promise," he said firmly, meeting Bucky's eyes. "They won't keep me away from you." He leaned in a second time to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips, taking slow breaths and keeping calm.

 

Bucky nodded and returned Steve's kiss before tugging him over to sit on the couch so they could wait for the Rep. "They don't lock people in handcuffs for long periods of time do they? And how big are their cells? It won't be like Hydra, right?" Bucky was beginning to think this was a bad idea, but it was too late now. He just hoped that if they took him in he wouldn't have a meltdown.

 

Steve fell onto the couch and smiled, pulling Bucky down on top of him. "Don't worry, their cells are large enough for about thirty people to squeeze in, and all they'll probably do to you is keep you monitored. They may allow you to stay and live here, just have to go out to regular checks, I have no idea." He smiled reassuringly. "They're only going to do what's best for you."

 

Bucky snorted a little, "I know the board doesn't like me and I know that I'm causing them a lot of problems what with Russia trying to get me back into their possession." Bucky sighed heavily, "I'd be a good bargaining chip and everybody knows it."

 

Steve's gaze hardened slightly. "If they tried to take you away I would stop them," he said very seriously, rolling Bucky onto his back so he could cover him, protect him in a way. "You're staying with me, or in America, forever, and no Board jerk or anyone will take you away."

 

Bucky looked up at Steve with a smile, feeling a bit calmed, "I know you'll do whatever it takes to keep me safe and I would do the same for you, but you gotta promise me something." Bucky gave Steve a serious look, "If something happens, if they do something to me and put me back to the way I was, I want you to just kill me. I know you won't want to, but I don't want to be used again and I know if that happens to me again, even if get out of it, I won't be able to recover." Bucky didn't think anything like that would gain, but this was just a precaution, "Don't let me hurt people."

 

Steve was about to promise before the conditions were even set, but it was choked off as they were actually spoken. Steve was frozen, staring up at Bucky, but Bucky's eyes were pleading with him. "I promise," he said as quietly as he could. If he said it quietly enough, he might not have to stick to it. "But it won't happen."

 

"Thank you." Bucky felt a bit better and smiled a little, "I know, but just in case. I don't wanna go through that again." He sighed softly and pressed his forehead against Steve's, "The Rep should be here soon."

 

Steve hummed, and started pass the time by kissing Bucky on the forehead, moving slowly down his jaw. He got to the neck and let his tongue dart out to taste the skin, then he blew lightly. Then he did the same thing back up Bucky's other side, smiling and humming softly. It was a good way to pass the time.

 

Bucky made a pleased noise as Steve started kissing him and shivered when he felt Steve blow onto the skin where his tongue had just been. As Steve continued his ministrations, Bucky slid his hands up Steve's sides letting his fingers find their way under his shirt.

 

Steve squirmed only slightly when Bucky's metal hand touched his warm skin, leaving his arms covered in goosebumps as he covered Bucky's body with his own. He put almost all his weight on him, apart from the stuff he was putting on his knee that was actually on the couch. He pressed his nose into the junction where Bucky's neck and jaw met, just holding there for a moment. He was tempted to leave a mark, but he wasn't sure if that would be entirely appropriate for an interview with the board rep. Instead he just kissed lightly.

 

Bucky pulled Steve closer against his chest, letting out a small whine as he pressed his hips up against Steve. He knew now probably want the best time for this, but having Steve so close to him always made him a bit foggy. Bucky let out a sigh as he cupped Steve's face and kissed him, nipping gently at his lips.

 

Steve chuckled and pulled back slightly, heavy lidded eyes amused. His gut was twirling pleasantly, but they had never gone much further than this. "Buck," he said in soft warning. He sat up, sitting Bucky up too. He tucked into side, nosing his cheek. "Not really appropriate."

 

Bucky whined and have Steve a pout, mumbling something under his breath. "Fine." He huffed and looked over to Steve again, kissing him. "I like being close to you." He pressed his flesh hand against Steve's chest, right over his heart. "I love you."

 

Steve heart was beating at a pace slightly quicker than usual, and he mirrored Bucky's action, putting his hand over Bucky's heart as well, kissing him quickly. "I love you too," he said, searching his eyes.

 

"How touching..."

 

Steve snapped up at the drawl, and he swallowed, sitting back slightly at the striking woman standing in the open elevator doors. Her blonde hair was tied up in a tight bun, and while her smile seemed like it could be kind, it looked condescending in this moment. "I'm early, I apologize, but I didn't think I'd be interrupting." She walked forward, heels clicking on the tiles. She sat across from them, icy eyes surveying Bucky. "Are we ready to start Mr. Barnes?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahah yeah update sick  
> bro's mock exams are coming up so i probably may post more often because procrastination idk
> 
> tw: lil mention of non-con i'm sorry keep yourselves safe
> 
> anyway  
> ENJOYXX

Bucky straightened up at the sound of the woman's voice as well, glancing at her before looking back to Steve. He took a deep breath before looking back to the woman, nodding his head once, "Yes, I'm ready." Bucky tone sounded serious and a bit tense. His eyes trained on the woman like she was about to pull a gun on him or something.

 

The woman gave a tight lipped smile. "We'll start off easy," she said, taking her clip board and pen and setting them on her lap as she sat directly across from them. "What's your full name?"

 

"James Buchanan Barnes." Bucky stated, moving his hand over to grab Steve's, but never taking his eyes of the woman in front of him.

 

Steve took Bucky's hand to squeeze it tightly.

"I would ask you how old you are but the lines are a little blurry..." She looked amused. "Have you ever killed someone?" She asked, expression falling serious. "Either voluntarily or because you were made to."

 

"Yes I have." Bucky hated taking about this, but he really didn't have much of a choice. It just made things worse that this lady seemed so condescending towards him, but maybe it was just his imagination.

 

The woman didn't even mark anything on her board because it was already down. It seemed like she hesitated for the next question though. "Have you ever, willingly or otherwise, had sexual intercourse with any members of Hydra?"

 

Steve made a noise of indignation. "How is that relevant?"

 

The woman's expression hardened. "It's on the question list, Captain Rogers."

 

Steve bristled, and squeezed Bucky's hand tightly.

 

"I...I don't know why I have to answer that question." Bucky looked at the ground and squeezed Steve's had back, "Why would that even matter?"

 

The woman's gaze fell on Bucky, and for the first time her expression softened, just slightly. "Mr. Barnes, it's a question that is asked to everyone who has ever worked for them. I suppose it's so we can determine if you might go back for emotional attachments. I'm not sure. Please, it's necessary."

 

Bucky worked his jaw as he stared at the floor, his body language becoming a bit more guarded. It took him another minute before he gave a short nod and muttered a barely audible “Yes.”

 

Steve let out a little noise, and he leaned into Bucky, feeling his chest tighten. He didn't want to know, and he sent a pleading look towards the woman. He didn't want her to ask him to elaborate.

 

The woman gave a tight nod, scribbling a long sentence down after watching the way Bucky reacted.

"Do you feel mentally stable at this moment in time?"

 

Bucky glanced up at the woman and gave a little shrug, "Yeah, but it changes a lot." He was grateful that he didn't have to elaborate on the previous question, especially since Steve was in the room. If he'd would have known he'd be asked that kind of question, he would have asked Steve to do this alone.

 

The woman narrowed her eyes slightly. Not dangerously, just contemplatively. "If I asked you another question about the details of your sex life in Hydra, and forced you to answer intimate details, would you feel mentally stable?"

 

Steve's eyes widened slightly at that. It was obvious then. She was putting Bucky under pressure to see how he'd react. He didn't like where this was going.

 

"I would decline to answer and accept the consequences of that choice." Bucky answered, taking a deep breath in and slowly releasing it. He knew she was purposefully pressuring him, but he couldn't break under it. He had no idea what would happen if he did, but he knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

 

The woman nodded again. "Good answer, Mr. Barnes. Strong will is a sign of stability." She wrote a long paragraph before looking up. "Are you afraid of yourself? When you're not in control for example. Do you become afraid for the people around you?"

 

"Yes. I do my best to distance myself when I feel I'm not in complete control of my body." Bucky answered, wondering what she was writing on the clip board of hers. Bucky wasn't too concerned though, he felt like he was doing well.

 

The woman didn't hesitate to quickly ask, "Were you afraid for James Anders?"

 

The question caught Bucky completely off guard. How did they know about him? He supposed it wasn't too surprising though. "Don't talk about him." Bucky snapped before he could stop himself, his eyes flickering with a cold fury before he reigned himself in, taking a deep breath.

 

The woman canted a delicate eyebrow, writing a short sentence. Steve squeezed Bucky's hand, to keep him grounded. She would most likely delve further into the subject. Surely enough...

"Do you feel protective over him Mr. Barnes? I know his passing affected you greatly. Captain Rogers was working on your room while you were away, and that's the reason you ran in the first place right, the reason you shot down an elevator and almost killed your best friend?"

 

Steve took in a startled breath. He hadn't told her any of this on the phone.

 

"I said don't talk about him." Bucky sounded hostile, but a bit more controlled and squeezed Steve's hand, "Why are you watching us? I heard Steve on the phone, he didn't tell you any of that." Bucky did his best to stay in control, he could do this. They were just trying to break him.

 

The woman looked expressionless as she finally let out a tight breath. "We watch every threat to national security," she said flatly. "Should we keep watching you Mr. Barnes?"

 

Steve grit his teeth, and he tried his best to not yell at the woman. She didn't have a right to talk to him like this.

 

"You tell me." Bucky quirked an eyebrow and his tone seemed almost threatening. He knew that he probably shouldn't egg this women on and in the back of his mind he felt like it was what she wanted him to do, "If one man is a threat to a whole nation then maybe none of you are very good at your jobs."

 

The woman smiled pleasantly, and it was the most genuine one she'd given yet.

"Oh Mr. Barnes, if you break so easy at one woman talking once about a dead boy, surely you must know that Hydra could shape you to their will without much work at all." She sniffed slightly, and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I think you need to work on that." She wrote a long paragraph. "No, we haven't been watching you, but we had an informant. We had three. They were worried for your safety actually." Steve blinked. All three of his best friends had ratted. He shouldn't be surprised really, but he was, and slightly offended too. The blonde woman looked up. "Have you got yourself in line again Mr. Barnes?"

 

Bucky curled his lip at the woman, looking at her like she was some sort of vermin, "James is a touchy subject. I made that clear when you first said his name and you continued to press me about him. Any person would get irritated at that." Bucky started to count in his head, trying to calm himself, "And whoever your 'informants' are, they need to work on their information, because they might have known what happened, but they have no idea about my mental state or what goes on in my head. I only ever talk to Steve and most of the time I don't even tell him the full story and I'm not about to tell you." Bucky's voice was calm, his tone staying even the whole time he talked. "I might be a head case, but I'm not stupid. How do you think I managed to get a gun anyway? Do you know who gave it to me? I'd bet money to say you don't. No one does, because I am a ghost still and I've got connections of my own. If I wanted to be gone, I'd be gone and maybe you could take me in. You could threaten me and push me, but the only reason I haven't snapped your neck, the reason I'm even here right now, is sitting next to me. So you might want to think twice about putting me in situations I'm not comfortable with." Bucky leaned back against the couch, staring at the women. "I'm in line. You got any more questions?" Bucky was aware that this whole conversation wasn't going to go under the rug, but he was tired of these people. Although, he didn't really want to have a conversation about this with Steve, but it was kind of unavoidable now.

 

Steve could see the woman pale a shade under her make up. She was a Rep, not a fighter. With a curl of her own lip, Steve could see that she wanted to stay, but she stood. With a click he heard her turn off a recording device, and her smile was once more hollow and blank. "This has been lovely, but I don't want to be here when you decide to take Captain America's virginity."

 

Bucky barely resisted the urge to spit at the woman's feet at her comment, "I wouldn't grace you with the sight of Steve under me in a million years." Bucky shot back, giving the woman an obviously fake smile.

 

Steve let a noise of surprise escape his lips, and while he managed to stifle it, he could not stop the flush from covering his face.

 

She had the gall to turn her back on them, and when she got to the elevator she was still writing on her clip board. "I'm going to have someone analyze this. I'll be seeing you probably."

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck that bitch amiright?
> 
> haha jk she's just doing her job
> 
> anyway update yay!
> 
> ENJOY XX

Steve remained tense until he saw that it had hit ground floor. He stood, tugging his hand from Bucky's, and then he turned to the brunet, still red but looking slightly distressed.

 

"I... Don't know what to say to you." He said carefully, tongue darting out to touch his lip. "You just threatened her Bucky, when she has the power to lock you up for years." His breathing rate had picked up, and he rubbed his face, shaking his head. "What will I do if they take you huh?" He asked, voice cracking.

 

"She has no power. She has a clip board and an audio recording. Which I, if I really wanted to, could easily retrieve from her before she even got half way down the street." Bucky stood up to get closer to Steve, "If they take me, then so be it. They can lock me up, but I want you to know the only reason I'd ever go willingly is because they'd never let me live in peace with you if I didn't." Bucky pressed his hand to Steve's face, "I'm right here, Steve. No one is taking me anywhere right now, okay? And if they come for me, then I'll go, but I find out they're trying to pull one over on me, I'll fight." He sighed and leaned into kiss Steve. "I love you Stevie and no matter what happens I'll always love you, okay?" Bucky didn't like how distressed Steve seemed.

"Look, if they come and they want to take me, we'll have them tell us exactly how long they plan on keeping me. If it's too long, I'll tell them I won't go willingly until they shorten it. They're not going to fight me on it. They can't. These people are politicians and representatives. All they have is words. I've got a bionic arm and over seventy years of deadly combat training."

 

Steve listened to Bucky’s words, he listened to how he said he'd stay forever, he felt the touch, and he leaned slightly into the kiss, but all he could really think was of how quickly Bucky's demeanor had changed. The brunet had a very good point, and while Steve wanted to let him know that they also had the entire Avengers on their backs, excluding Steve in this instance, they also had weaponry and agents as well. He wanted to let Bucky know that he loved him too, more than anything, he wanted Bucky to know that he was so brilliant and perfect. He wanted Bucky to know that yes, if it came to drastic things, that he would not stop him loving him. A part of him wanted Bucky to know that he often worried Steve, and that sometimes, in moments like when he was talking to the Rep that he nearly frightened him. But the words wouldn't come, and instead what fell out was...

 

"Whoever said you would top?" His voice cracked, and he watched Bucky's eyes. Bucky'd said it over two minutes ago, and it was highly irrelevant, but Steve could only think of that. There was nothing on topic he could actually say without becoming more upset.

 

Bucky could tell that Steve was wound up and definitely had quite a few things on his mind that were obviously bothering him. It was easy to see and Bucky wanted to talk about with him, because he knew it was important and Steve already kept enough bottled up inside as it was. It made Bucky feel a bit guilty that he was part of the reason Steve had so much inner turmoil and it couldn't be easy for him to shoulder all of that as much as he thought that it was his job. When Steve spoke though, Bucky just smiled at him.

 

"We can take turns." Bucky hated the way Steve's voice cracked, but he just wanted to lighten the mood. They could talk about the serious stuff later. He moved in to press his forehead against Steve's, humming softly.

 

Steve let out a breathy laugh. "Sounds good. Might have to take it slow, though." He said quietly, pressing into Bucky and turning his head to kiss Bucky's cheek. "I love you," he said, not pulling away and saying it against his skin. "I don't want you to go."

 

"And I don't want to go either." Bucky sighed and looked down, "I know there's a lot of stuff we need to talk about, especially concerning that uh, _conversation_ , that I just had with the Rep. " He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "We're gonna have to talk about it eventually, so I just wanted you to know that whenever you feel like talking, I'll answer your questions." Bucky looked back up at Steve, "I love you and I know you've got a lot of things going through your mind right now, I just want you to be able to talk to me."

 

Steve hesitated, and took a step away from Bucky, just because what he was about to ask was not intimate in any way. "Was it consensual? The... Stuff you did with people in Hydra? Or was it... You know." He licked his bottom lip. He had to know.

 

Bucky figured that Steve was going to ask about that and although he knew it was coming it was still hard to answer. It took him a few moments to find the best way to put it. It wasn't exactly delicate, but things like this seldom were, "Nothing I did with Hydra was consensual." He looked down at the ground, "It's water under the bridge now though. It doesn't matter."

 

Steve felt his stomach churn, and he stepped forward to press a soft kiss to Bucky's brow. "I wish I'd fallen with you," he said quietly, touching his metal arm softly. "Nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise." He stepped back again. "You have your connections?" He asked then, changing the direction of the conversation. "What connections?"

 

"Don't say things like that. If you fell with me then a lot of people would have died. You were meant to stay up there and save the world." Bucky looked down at his metal arm where Steve was touching it and bit his lip at the next question.

"It's... complicated. If I talk about it, bad things could happen." It wasn't really all that complicated, but Bucky couldn't tell Steve about it. He didn't want to see the look on his face if he ever learned who his connections were, "You could get hurt if I say something. I just want to keep you safe." For a minute, Bucky thought of James and how disappointed he would have made him to keep something like this from Steve, but he shook it off, not wanting to think about him right now.

 

Steve let out a tight breath, but nodded. If Bucky didn't want to tell him he wouldn't make him. "Okay," he said plainly. He stepped forward again, looking nervous, though he was feeling quite calm, he just couldn't sit still. "You would've killed her?"

 

"Not unless I thought she was about to make a move at me or you." Bucky didn't like taking lives and he wouldn't if he could help it, he was mostly just trying to intimidate her. "I might have incapacitated her if she were to threaten either of us, but I wouldn't kill her if unless she was a direct threat to either of our lives."

 

Steve let out a breath through his nose. "Good. I would have too." His smile was slightly exasperated. "You meant what you said about me though?" He asked, eyebrows raising. If someone had told him that this was happening six months ago he wouldn't have believed the person who told them, and he still didn't believe it fully.

 

"Yeah." Bucky grabbed Steve's hand in his own, "If you don't have any more questions, could we step talking about this. I just wanna lay with you for as long as possible." Bucky sighed a little bit, "If they take me in, I won't get to be with you for a while." Bucky moved closer to Steve, pressing his body against him.

 

Steve snaked his arms around Bucky's waist, and leaned his head on his shoulder. "Of course." He pulled back slightly to start tugging Bucky to the near tidied bedroom, and he didn't leave much space between them as he walked. Bucky's warmth was reassuring. He needed this. When they got to the bedroom Steve fell onto the bed, pulling Bucky down on top of him. "Do you like what I've done with the place?" He asked with a smile, letting the brunet’s body cover his own.

 

"I'm more interested in you then the room." Bucky moved to kiss Steve's neck, enjoying the others warmth and pressing down against him, "I love you, Steve." He whispered into his ear before continuing to leave kisses up and down Steve's throat. Whatever the board decided to do, they couldn't take Steve away and if they tried there would be hell to pay. "You smell good." Bucky mumbled as he nosed at Steve's neck.

 

Steve had a thing for this. Bucky worshipping his neck made his collar hot, and while Bucky kissed him he ran small little circles around the others back. His fingers were light and didn't press down hard, and he shivered slightly. "That's good," he laughed breathily, arching up only slightly against the brunet. He buried his nose into Bucky’s hair, taking a small breath in. "You'd smell nice if you took a shower," he replied, laying his head back with a chuckle.

 

"Are you saying I smell?" Bucky questioned, looking up at Steve, "I guess it has been a few days." Bucky didn't really notice if he smelled our not, probably because he was used to it. Bucky continued to kiss Steve's neck, occasionally nipping at his skin.

 

Steve arched his back again, this time more than before. He chuckled, and held Bucky's waist for a moment before starting drawing on his back again. "I'm saying you would smell nice if you had a shower, I'm not saying you smell _bad_ per se..." He trailed off, enjoying this.

 

"It's okay to tell me I smell bad, you know. I'm not gonna get upset with you. I know I smell." Bucky laughed a little and nipped a bit harder at Steve's skin before placing a kiss over the small mark he created, "You like this?"

 

Steve's breathy laugh answered him at first, but then he managed to let out a small, "Yes," to accompany it. He did like this, he liked it a lot, and he knew he'd never been so close to anyone like this before Bucky. It was all new, it was so exciting, and daunting in a way, but he didn't let himself dwell on that. "I like it a lot."

 

"I like it too." Bucky hummed and worked his way back up to Steve's lips, kissing him softly, "As much as I do like this, I should probably take a shower." Bucky sighed heavily, "And eat. I didn't exactly eat a whole lot while I was gone."

 

Steve nodded, and licked his bottom lip, exaggerating a disgusted expression. "And brush your teeth," he said, sitting up and rolling Bucky off him. "I need a shower too, I've been renovating all day. How about you go eat, I'll take a shower, then we'll swap and I'll brush my teeth while you shower and then I'll keep tidying up in here..." He raised his eyebrows in query.

 

Bucky snorted at Steve, "You don't like how my breath smells?" Bucky breathed heavily on Steve before laughing and rolling off the bed, "Okay. I'll go eat. Don't take forever in the shower. I don't know what you do in there, but you always take the longest time." Bucky huffed, but gave a smile before going out to the kitchen.

 

Steve coughed and hoped his flush had stayed off his face until Bucky had left the room, but he knew he wouldn't have to take too long in the shower today, not after what happened just now. He quickly stripped down, going into the bathroom just off Bucky's room, and ducked into the shower. No, he wouldn't take very long at all.

 

Bucky shuffled around the kitchen for a couple of minutes, unsure of what to eat. After a while he just settled on eating fruit. Once he was done eating, he wandered around, eventually stopping at the couch and picking up his bag. Bucky grabbed his phone and the picture that James had gifted him. It still hurt to look at, but he liked to have it close. Bucky shuffled back into the bedroom, setting the picture on the night stand before sending a text message on his phone then immediately deleting it.

 

After Steve had finished his first and foremost activity, he set about actually washing himself. It didn't take long, and as he stepped out of the shower he realized something. He'd forgotten clothes. Steve rolled his eyes at himself, and dried himself mostly before wrapping himself up around the waist with a towel. He walked into the bedroom, seeing Bucky on his phone. He smiled brightly, though he held the towel a tighter just in case. "I'm borrowing some clothes okay?" He asked, bobbing down next to the dresser and making sure nothing was showing. He waited for Bucky's permission though, hand on the drawer handle.

 

"Okay." Bucky nodded and set his phone down before going into the bathroom himself, "I'm surprised you managed to take such a short shower, didn't think you had it in you." Bucky laughed, not bothering to close the bathroom door as he stripped down, knowing that Steve was gonna come in to brush his teeth anyway. Bucky stepped into the shower, turning the water so hot that it nearly burned him.

 

Steve quickly got some clothes, and took about five minutes to get on a pair of Bucky's black skinny jeans. He found a plain grey top, and didn't forget to put on briefs before the pants. He walked into the bathroom and froze in the doorway. The steam hadn't built up on the shower door yet. Steve coughed, and blushed. It wasn't the first time he'd seen Bucky naked, of course not, but it was the first time he'd seen him naked _after_ the war. If he looked past all the scars and such- no, including all the scars as well, Bucky was gorgeous. "I don't wanna see any of that, turn away," he said finally, after gaping for a full minute. He went to the sink and found his own toothbrush, still blushing and feeling stupid. The skinny jeans had just got tighter, and he didn't need that right now.

 

"I don't have anything you don't have." Bucky huffed, "Well aside from a bionic arm." He smiled a little before resuming his shower, scrubbing his skin until it was almost raw like he usually did. Once he washed his hair and deemed himself clean enough he stepped out of the shower, shaking his hair out like a dog before grabbing a towel and loosely wrapping it around his waist. Bucky went immediately to the sink to brush his teeth, nudging Steve to the side a bit, "You a bit hot under the collar, Rogers?" Bucky grinned and playfully elbowed Steve. For a moment Bucky felt like it wasn't even him speaking, but it didn't feel like he did when he was reverting back to his Hydra state of mind. It was warmer, like a memory from before the war.

 

Steve brushed his teeth in silence until Bucky sidled up next to him, and he shot an accusing glare to him through the mirror. What he was saying made Steve annoyed and embarrassed, but the way he said it was familiar and much welcomed. "How abou' oo' shu' u'," Steve tried to say around the toothpaste foam in his mouth, failing rather miserably.

 

Bucky laughed and began brushing his teeth, eyeing Steve every couple of seconds. Once he was done brushing he spit and rinsed his mouth out with water. He leaned over and kissed Steve's cheek before going to get dressed. Once he was fully clothed he looked over at his phone, which had just gone off. He decided to ignore it for now though, in favor of returning to Steve's side.

 

Steve was flossing when Bucky came back to him. He smiled, discarding the floss and giving a big white grin. "Better?" He asked Bucky, and stepped forward to press a very sloppy kiss against his lips. He licked his lips, and ran his hand through Bucky's wet hair. "Yeah, you're better." He chuckled. He then walked to the bedroom, shifting uncomfortably in the jeans. "I don't know how you live in these," he said incredulously, and upon seeing that Bucky's phone had gone off, went over to pick it up. "You got a text," he said, about to unlock the screen.

 

"Much better." Bucky smiled and watched Steve shift around in his jeans, "Tight clothes are better. They don't get snagged on things as easily." He explained and watched Steve walked over to pick up his phone. It wasn't until he moved to unlock the screen that Bucky lunged forwards, grabbing Steve's wrist in a death grip and plucking the phone from his hand, "Don't." Bucky immediately released Steve's hand once he realized what he was doing and muttered an apology, looking at the ground. "I... I'm sorry."

Steve looked surprised, and his heart rate picked up as Bucky grabbed him. "It's okay," he said, letting go of the phone easily. He wanted to ask why Buck didn't want him to look at his phone, but his first priority was to make sure the man was alright. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not made of glass." He gave a reassuring smile, even though his wrist was aching, he didn't move to touch it. "Confidential 'if I told you I'd have to kill you' stuff right?" He asked, nodding towards the phone in Bucky's hand.

 

Bucky looked completely horrified for a moment at Steve's words, "No! I would never- I wouldn't ever kill you." Bucky shook his head, "I wasn't trying to hurt you. I promise." Bucky knew he was getting himself worked up and that he should probably take a few breaths to calm down, "You're not hurt, are you?"

 

Steve's expression became amused. "It's figure of speech Buck, I know you'd never kill me." He took a step forward, putting a hand through Bucky's damp hair. He didn't want to lie, so he held up his wrist. "My wrist is just slightly sore. Think you bent it weird. I'll live to fight another day Buck, it's alright."

 

Bucky looked at Steve's wrist carefully and sighed before giving Steve a guilty look, "I'm sorry. I just... I panicked." Bucky pressed his forehead against Steve's, "I hate that I do things like that. I just don't think sometimes."

 

Steve angled his face to press a soft kiss to Bucky's lips. "It's okay," he said, not pulling away as their lips brushed together. "I don't blame you." He brought his sore wrist up between their faces. "Kiss it better?" He asked with a small cheeky smile.

Bucky gave Steve a small smile as he gingerly took Steve's wrist into his hand and pressed a soft kiss to it, "I'll be better someday and I won't hurt anyone anymore." Bucky released Steve's wrist and sighed, "Do you think the board is going to call us before they come back? Cause I've been thinking about it and I think that if they come in and take me without announcing it, that I might panic and make things worse."

 

Steve moved his arms to wrap them around the brunet’s shoulders. "I'll ask them to, but maybe they'd use you panicking as evidence. I'm not sure." He leaned his forehead on Bucky's again. "I'll be right here with you until then. I'll move in if you want?" He asked softly, and offer as well as a plea.

 

Bucky smiled and nodded, "Okay. I'd like that." He brushed his nose softly against Steve's, "I think if you're there I'll be calmer. Well, unless they have guns drawn of something, but hopefully they're not gonna do anything like that."

 

Steve shrugged. "I never know what the government does love. I may fight for the same country, but they don't have the same morals." He pressed a kiss on Bucky's brow, and glanced at the phone still in the brunet’s hand. "You gonna check your text?"

 

Bucky glanced down at his phone and bit his lip before taking a step back from Steve and opening up the text. He looked almost irritated for a moment before quickly typing out another text and tossing his phone onto the bed. 

 

Steve raised an amused eyebrow, eyes following the phone and not closing the gap that Bucky had made. "Someone ticking you off?"

 

"Yes." Bucky huffed out, glaring at the phone a bit before moving back closer to Steve, "Doesn't matter though. Not much anyone can do now." He moved to kiss Steve's cheek, "You wanna watch a movie or something?"

 

Steve wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted Bucky to talk to him just as Bucky wanted Steve to return the favor. "Alright, how about..." He frowned, trying to think of one. "Well... What would you like?" He offered, deciding to give Bucky a choice. He hadn't had much chance for free will until recently. "I've got animation and Disney, action, rom-com, I don't mind whatever." He smiled brightly, returning the kiss as he turned them both to go to the lounge. Steve had moved all his movies down two weekends ago, because they always watched movies down here, and it was annoying going up to his room all the time to get them.

 

"Let's watch something Disney." Bucky smiled and took Steve hand as they left the room. Bucky had a soft spot for Disney movies. He chose a movie at random, The Lion King, and gave it to Steve to put on. He was still a bit rusty when it came to certain technology and he could figure out the DVD player, but it always took him awhile and Steve was a little better than he was. Bucky went to the couch after giving Steve the movie, giving Steve a smile.

 

Steve grinned, and quickly got the TV working. To be honest, he wasn't exactly surprised that Buck had chosen Disney. It was innocent in a way, and the colors and songs were always something that could take your mind off things. He went and tucked himself next to Bucky, grabbing the remote and pressing play. They would be fine... Surely that would. Steve had a niggling feeling in the back of his mind, and he knew, just knew, that somewhere, James was watching the Lion King too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah it feels like ages since i posted....
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this little thing and I hope you have a great day and really im so pleased to get this all up
> 
> ((also psssst i know it's a really quick fix and stuff i'm sorry it's kinda lazy plot on my part but don't these boys need to be cut some slack every once and while? I mean c'mon the shit some authors put these guys through..... *shifty eyes*))
> 
> ENJOY XX

It took two weeks for SHIELD to make a move. In those two weeks, neither of the soldiers saw hide nor hair of the woman or anyone of the board. Of course they didn't know who was working for who, but otherwise they were fine. Steve was content to move all his things down to Bucky's floor, and the domesticity of it just grew even more. It was lovely. They hadn't... done anything yet, even though they slept in the same bed, and Steve saw Bucky naked twice more in that time.

They also held their own little funeral for James Anders, one that tugged on Steve's chest and tore at his heart. But Steve thought it would be necessary to go to the boy’s grave. It had been hard. His gravestone was still clean, and in a box right by his name was his signed bear. Steve had put his hand on the stone, and placed a small white rose by the bear. It was a goodbye, and a thank you.

 

Steve got up on a casual Thursday morning, prepared to make a cooked breakfast for them both, when he froze. On their couch, drinking a cup of their coffee, was a frazzled looking blonde in a suit. Not the same one before, but you'd think it, if it was dark or something. "Good morning Captain," she said tightly, not looking up from where she was staring at the coffee table. "Is Mr. Barnes awake?" Steve looked over his shoulder. "Buck!" he called loudly, and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Should be." At least it wasn't agents coming in with guns blazing...

 

Bucky was just waking up and getting out of bed when he heard Steve call for him. He grumbled and grabbed a shirt to pull on, making his bed head even worse then before. Bucky shuffled over the dresser and grabbed the hair tie he kept there so he could just pull it back for now. It took him a few minutes to drag himself out into the kitchen where Steve had call for him, "What is-" Bucky cut himself off when he saw the woman on the couch. Almost immediately his entire demeanor changed, going from sleepy and grumbly to alert and guarded in almost a heartbeat. "What are you here for?" He huffed, moving to stand closer to Steve.

 

The woman looked tired, and she drained the last of her coffee and stood, looking flatly at the pair of them. She didn't speak, but she walked right past them to get to the bench. Steve caught hold of Bucky's wrist as she walked right by them, making sure he wasn't going to do anything. She set it in the sink, and then walked back. Steve was unsure why she looked so unkempt. It wasn't like SHIELD didn't like presentation.

"Why do you think I'm here Mr. Barnes?" She asked calmly instead, and Steve let out a tight breath.

 

Bucky tensed when she walked towards them and was grateful for Steve's hold on his wrist, "You're going to take me in." Bucky looked over to Steve for a second before glancing back at the woman, his eyes following her every move. She didn't really seem like a SHIELD agent. She looked a bit worse for wear and Bucky would think they'd send some that at least _looked_ like they'd be able to restrain him. 

 

"Wrong," she said immediately. She wiped at her eyes. She yawned delicately and then crossed her arms. Her eyes fell on where Steve was still holding Bucky's wrist, and she let out a little huff. "No, I'm actually on your side. I spent... all  night?- last night, defending you, telling them that in the presence of Steven Rogers you'd be able to keep yourself and the people around you safe. Does that sound about right?"

Steve's eyebrows rose on his forehead, wanting to hear more, and he squeezed Bucky's wrist lightly.

 

Bucky seemed genuinely confused, tilting his head to the side a bit as he stared at the woman, "Yes, but...why? I haven't even met you before." Bucky looked over to Steve for a second, "If you're not here to take me in, then what are you here for? You can't just be here to tell me you're not taking me in."

 

The woman rolled her bright green eyes. "Actually, that's exactly why I'm here. You're not being taken in, but if you try to run again, if you shoot an elevator, if you yell too loudly, if you cross _any_ line at all, my argument to them is invalid. Mr. Barnes, you are on parole. You need to know this so you take extra care not to slip up."

 

"So you're saying if I slip at all that I'll be taken in?" Bucky questioned, it sounded easy enough, but who knew? "And the Board gets to decide what these lines are, I assume? I suppose I'll need a list of them in that case, I find it hard to believe that there are only going to be a few."

 

The woman have a bright smile, and pulled a folded piece of paper from her jacket pocket. "And I'm on your side so it's already done," she said, stepping forward and handing it to Bucky. "It's not fair, them being so tight, but it's for the safety of yourself and your boyfriend."

 

Bucky blushed at the word boyfriend, Steve and him had never really discussed what their 'title' was, but he supposed 'boyfriends' were probably what they were. Bucky took the paper from the woman, but didn't read it, "And how are they going to know if I slip up? I'm not going to consent to cameras or anything."

 

The woman gave a slight shrug, ignoring how her casual wording made them feel. "They'll know if you've slipped up if they find you wandering the streets with a sliced up hand. I'm not sure, but most of those guidelines are to help you. They won't be detrimental, I promise you. I went through them all last night and modified them to suit you." She gave a tired smile, not bothering to tidy up a strand of hair that fell on her face.

 

"Why do you care so much?" Bucky questioned, the niceness of strangers not being a common occurrence in Bucky's life. It made him feel like she maybe had ulterior motives, but in general he usually thinks people have ulterior motives, so it wasn't a particularly strong feeling, "And why is the Board so compliant with just one person?"

 

The woman rolled her eyes. She'd been expecting this. "I like to think of myself as a defense lawyer for the actual good souls. I believe that you, James Buchanan Barnes, have been put through hell and back, and I when I saw how my friends at SHIELD were treating you like a basket case, I wanted to step in. No one, especially you, deserves treatment like this. After all, you were convinced to go to a kid’s birthday party." Her lips twitched slightly. "And the Board is compliant because I've been in the business a long time. I'm good at what I do. I find loopholes, and I use my teeth and nails." Her smile was tired. "I'm not planning on asking a favor Mr. Barnes. I've done this out of the kindness of my heart..." She paused. "And I also wanted to see if you two were actually in love like everyone has been saying." She tacked on eventually.

 

Bucky stared at the woman for quite awhile, watching her intently like maybe she was going to yell 'Got 'cha!' and cuff him or something. It took a few minutes, but he finally decided that she was harmless and gave a nod, "Thank-you." He mumbled, not really sure what else to say to her, "And I do love him, but I don't think that it's anyone's business."

 

The woman gave a terse nod, straightening and brushing down her clothes. "It's not, but that's how things work nowadays. I'm sorry." She let out a breath, walking forward again, though this time more carefully as she offered her hand. "It's been a pleasure," she started, but tacked on, "both of you," as Steve took her hand and gave it a firm shake. Steve was a going to be forever in debt to this woman for helping Bucky. She smiled, nodding, then offered her hand to Bucky again.

 

Bucky eyed the woman's hand for a moment before carefully reaching out to shake her hand. He looked over at Steve and back at the woman, giving a slight nod. Bucky was grateful for Steve's presence, so he could carefully duck behind him and grab his hand, keeping his eyes on the woman, waiting for her to leave.

 

The woman smiled again, then let out a breath. "Thank you for the coffee," she said, picking up a clipboard from the coffee table. "I should hope we don't have to meet again under unpleasant circumstances. Stay well you two." She turned, and her heels clicked on the floor as she walked to the elevator. As the doors were closing, she gave a small mock-salute, which Steve returned with vigor. It was actually sinking in. Bucky wasn't getting taken. He turned to the man, and grinned. "Bucky," he said softly, and then he was kissing him, laughing and pulling him close to place kisses all over his face.

 

Bucky was a little surprised when Steve turned and started kissing him all over, he stared at the other and made a small noise in the back of his throat. After a few seconds though, Bucky melted into it and wrapped his arms around Steve's waist, returning the kisses and smiling happily. "That was a strange start to the day." He hummed, now kissing his way down to Steve's neck.

 

Steve threaded his arms around Bucky's waist and picked him up, interrupting what was happening on his neck to spin the brunet around. "It was great! You're not getting taken!" He said once he'd put the brunet down. Steve had never felt such ecstasy in his life before, in this moment, he was the happiest he had been in a long time. "I never want it to happen again, but you're with me!" He leaned over to capture Bucky's lips with his own, laughing against him as he pushed him back against the wall, pressing their bodies together tightly. He pulled back suddenly as was grinning and pink-cheeked and his eyes were sparkling. "I love you James Buchanan Barnes."

 

Bucky didn't really understand why Steve seemed so happy, I mean it was great that he wasn't getting taken, but it hardly seemed like a reason for him to be spinning Bucky around. Bucky smiled brightly at Steve anyway, though. It made Bucky feel good to see Steve this happy, "I'll always be with you, Stevie." He sighed and returned Steve's kiss, making a small noise as he was pushed against the wall, “And I love you, Steven Grant Rogers." Bucky laughed as well, brushing his nose against Steve's softly before kissing him again.

 

A sense of euphoria was swimming around Steve at that moment in time, and he kissed Bucky back with enthusiasm and he couldn't get enough. They were gonna be fine, there was nothing to worry about. He was going to help Bucky stick to his list, and Bucky was going to help him help himself. They were gonna be fine. Steve grinned against the brunet, and shook his head. James would have been happy if he had been alive to see this.


End file.
